Derober

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John:
Kate Hudson hit the beaches in Hawaii with her new boyfriend, pro golfer Adam Scott. I know all he’s thinking about is how he can’t wait to be done with all the beach nonsense so he can get back to the room, that ass, and some mutherf*ckin’ Wii bowling. I threw that last part in for show but I always like to wash down a good session of filth-making with some Wii bowling. Cuddling is so 1997. 

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
It’s clear that the void in film Heath Ledger left when he died will last for decades to come. However, his legacy won’t fade anytime soon. Like the images of James Dean walking down a lonely road or of Marilyn Monroe holding down her wind blow dress on a city sidewalk, Heath will endure. He has already received the golden globe for his portrayal of the Joker in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight and now looks poised for a posthumous Oscar run. I can see the Academy now, spinning their wheels, anxious with anticipation as they prepare to blow their load all over Heath Ledger’s proverbial face–metaphorically speaking of course. The Oscar is a lock for Heath. It’s just a matter of time and foreplay now.

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John:
Once upon a time, Megan Fox was quoted as saying, “Zac is like the brother I’d have sex with.” So that probably made for an awkward moment when Megan, Zac, and Vanessa Hudgen’s collided last night at the Golden Globes. I’m sure it was all very civil, maybe a few forced laughs. But they all knew the score. Hudgens was ready to strike and deal a mortal blow at any second… at any second.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Why such a large purse, Kim…why such a large purse. Kim Kardashian’s ass is back in an epic way and not a moment too soon. I’ve been in a funk witnessing Kim’s less rotund ass in the media lately. I mean it’s like not eating your cake and getting a fat ass too. It’s like Butch Cassidy without the Sundance Kid or Ali without Frazier. You just can’t enjoy the show without the spectacle. So I’d like to dedicate this post to all the drugs, exercise and duct tape that was not able to contain the amazing wonder that is Kim’s ass. Your failure is my strength.

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John:
K Fed of course. Here’s K Fed walking with his girlfriend whose name is not relevant. Other blogs are reporting that K Fed is having money problems but we prefer sticking to the basics.- Like how fat he got. This guy looks like a redneck I used to play softball with; you know the one who would bring a six pack to the game and finish it by the third inning? Yeah, just like that guy. 

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