Derober

Welcome celebrities and civilians! Derober.com is obviously not your next door neighbor’s celebrity gossip trough. There are so many clone celebrity blogs out there that my brother John and myself felt it necessary to break the mold and usher in a new era of celeb juice. The stone age of scribbling chicken scratch on photos using Microsoft Paint is exhausted. Our patent-pending roll-over effect is sure to amaze and bewilder. Roll your mouse over the photos to reveal a hidden, photoshopped photo. Enjoy and GFY.
~ John, Darby Gunpowder (…and Bob ‘the bitch’)

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

~ John ~

John’s bio:
John was born on an iceberg to nomad Hoosiers. He lost both his hands when he was 12 when a bully stolehis mittens and he wasn’t wearing mittens. John now writes by ‘thinking at the computer really hard.’ He’s a beacon of hope for all no-handed bloggers, but if hand transplants are ever possible John calls “first handsies.” John is definitely not depressed, not as far as you know.

~ Bob ‘the bitch’ ~

 

Bob ‘the bitch’ bio:
Bob ‘the bitch’s origins are not well known. Some say he is the offspring of a yeti and Bigfoot. Others say he is the aftermath of a science experiment gone horribly wrong when doctors attempted to cross pollinate a Venus fly trap with a Welsh prostitute. By all accounts , ‘the bitch’ is more of a myth than an actual living person. He is the the shadow of doubt that clouds your collective subconsious. He is the monster that prowels in dark alleyways and sewers on moonless nights. In any relationship he wears the pants. Robbin Hood and William Wallace only wish they had such a legacy. And I’ve been told that if you are ever caught out in the open, alone, in the dead of night you can hear the faintest whisper of Bob ‘the bitch’ muttering racial slurs and cursing at those who dare to call themselves celebrities. Fear the ‘bitch’…fear him.

~ Darby Gunpowder ~

Darby Gunpowder’s bio:
To get a better idea of the enigma that is Darby Gunpowder, we need to start from the beginning. From the moment Darby was immaculately conceived from a biscuit with jam, he has been on the run from Uzbekistan vigilantes. Unable to walk at the meager age of one-day-old, Darby roller-bladed out of IKEA (which was his home at the time) and found a lost frog named Bo Jackson. Baron and Bo jet-ski’d from Fort Wayne Indiana to Cape Fear, Africa where he was raised by a pack of red ants and a retarded badger named Squirrely. After learning to read and write at the age of 3 months, he left a suicide note on his vanity and journeyed to Epcot Center with Bo where they stayed for the better part of his adolescence. During this time they perfected sarcasm and levitating. Just before settling down for good, the vigilantes found them and they were on the run again. They made it to an area overgrown by thistle not native to the highlands of Paraguay. There they were kidnapped by an unruly bunch if field beagles and their wookie mates celebrating Arbor Day by chili-whacking Latino midgets. They instantly killed Bo for a sarcastic comment he made about the weather. Darby was crushed and vowed to avenge Bo’s murder. One particular beagle named Penelope Turnbuckle had an acute sinus infection of the groin area and wanted to help him escape. She told Darby where to find the rapidly blinking Hamster, Go-Gurt. In the cover of nightfall, Go-Gurt helped Darby escape a chili-whacking of his own. 40 days and 40 nights later with no food or water, Darby was taken in by the epileptic illegitimate son of the one-eyed albino giraffe, Scab and his wife, the red-headed queen of mutant desert penguins, Cheesy. Darby was subject to brutal, but affectionate beatings to accelerate manhood. Finally at the ripe age of 3, he was introduced to the ways of the wandering Belgian tribe of whooping-cough infected rodents known only as The Cordon Blues. TCB’s (The Cordon Blues) settled in Fort Wayne, Indiana and didn’t believe in electric toothbrushes and hated celebrities. This is where Darby met John and Bob ‘the bitch’ who were the resident pool cleaners for TCB’s. Shortly after killing and cleaning a blue whale, the three of them started Derober.com. Darby writes all his posts in memory of Bo Jackson.

The Derobers now live in beautiful Venice Beach, California by way of Fort Vegas Wayne, Indiana

~ roll over photo to Derobe ~

I know what you’re all thinking, “Fort Wayne”. . . .”Mafia”, but really, Fort Fun is the Midwest’s Hollywood.
Check out these Uber-Celebs that hail from The Fort:

• Shelley Long – Diane Chambers on ‘Cheers’ (hot prude)
• John Chapman – Johnny Appleseed (invented the apple
• Carole Lombard – actress in original Mr and Mrs Smith (without guns and bondage)
• Philo Farnsworth – invented the television (you’re welcome)
• Dan Butler – Dog on ‘Frasier’ (cooler than Kelsey Grammer)
• Dick York – Darrin Stephens on ‘Bewitched’ (every man’s personal hero: he had a genie in a bottle people)
• Jenna Fisher – Pam Beesley on ‘The Office’ (will you go out with me Jenna? -Leo)
• Bill Blass – TJ Maxx Fashion designer (hates when you call hiim Slick Willy)
• Dave Thomas – Late, great Founder of Wendy’s (you’re welcome again)
• Fred Zollner – founded the NBA
• Stephanie Eve Larimore – Playboy’s Miss June 2006 (good work Freiberger)
• Rod Woodsen – 11 time Pro-Bowl football player (won’t hold it against him he went to Snider)
• DaMarcus Beasly – US Nationa Soccer Team (faster than you are)
• Fawn Liebowitz -dead girl in ‘Animal House’ (attended Bishop Dwenger HS)
• The Derobers – Celebrities worst nightmares