When you’re this hot people take notice

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Amy Winehouse never seizes to amaze me. She’s just so paleolithically ugly that she’s starting to turn me on for all the wrong reasons. It’s kind of like staring at the sun or a kid with down syndrome, you know it’s wrong but you do it anyways. In this gem of a photo you can see Amy without the Beehive wig which apparently is used for covering bald patches on her head (see pictures below). I just hope she can pull herself together so that she can be reunited with her drug dealer husband, Blake Fielder-Civil. After all, how else am I going to have fun with this blog if I can’t do weekly posts of the Flintstones smoking pebble rocks?? I put it to you.

For more on the Paleolithic one.

Amy Winehouse has a face only a mother could love…maybe. Did I mention she’s a headbutter

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Derober’s winner of the 2007 ‘Ugliest woman alive’ award, Amy Winehouse is back in the news for headbutting people while in a drunken stupor. Seriously. It all went down last night as The Sun reports:

Onlookers told how the married singer also SNOGGED a mystery fella at a nightspot and shocked punters by overturning tables and drinks.
She was later seen smoking drugs in the street, walked into a lamppost, and riled a cabbie by paying only HALF her promised fare home.

Amy then realized that she hadn’t met her ‘destruction quota’ for the night and thus decided to head to another bar.

She was off her face, throwing drinks around and turning over tables. Amy screamed, ‘I am a legend, get these people out. I want to take drugs’.”
Another man tried to get her a cab, but she reportedly thought he was trying to molest her and allegedly butted him in the face.

She also headbutted another man while at the bar when he refused to let her play pool before she went home. But when you’re the ‘ugliest woman alive’ you have nowhere to go but up so a drunken headbutting rampage almost improves your image. A few more nights like that and she might actually be able to shake peoples hands in broad daylight.

For more evidence of Amy’s insanity.

Amy Winehouse can add “Cutter” to her list of talents

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Darby Gunpowder:
Winehouse claims her cat terrorized her arms causing massive cuts, but we all recognize those scrapes from the sharp branches of the ugly tree.
We would have posted these sick-tastic photos of Amy Winehouse yesterday but our guilt-ridden conscience was overpowering -that’s not true, we were just lazy.

Amy Winehouse drops from a 3 to a 2 on the Hot scale

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Just a reminder, you automatically get 1 point on the Hot Scale of you are famous. You also automatically get another point if you have a foreign accent. So by default, Amy Winehouse has 2 gimme points on the Hot Scale. Winehouse could not afford to lose a point, but she did with her recent outbreak of impetigo, a skin disease that consists of hideousness. Mayo Clinic’s actual definition is,

“Impetigo starts as a red sore that quickly ruptures, oozes for a few days and then forms a yellowish-brown crust that looks like honey or brown sugar. The disease is highly contagious, and scratching or touching the sores is likely to spread the infection to other parts of the body as well as to other people.”

Mayo omitted the fact that millions of crab eggs hatch inside your face and burst through your cheek. This is all true.

Britney Spears’ pink wig lost and found

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Photo courtesy of pagesix.com.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
It had been weeks since I saw Britney Spears‘ dreaded pink rug. I did everything to pray that I never saw it again. I lit candles at St. Judes’ Church and lumberyard, I chopped the heads off of all my pink haired trolls, and I converted to Islam. And all was going well until this morning when Britney’s British bastard cousin Amy Winehouse turned up wearing the wig. And so begins 1000 years of darkness. Sorry everyone. I’ve failed you.