Derober

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Not only is the happiest couple in the world getting married, they are sleeping in separate beds. According to “reliable sources” Brad is aging backwards and Angelina keeps waking up in cold sweats thinking she is sleeping with a young boy. The kids are unaware of the situation and are too distracted by a simple game of tag because they are all saying “You’re it!” in different languages.

Ever wonder what would happen if your favorite celebrity got juiced? Here is your answer. Photos courtesy of our sister site, The Chive.

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More Photos available at Worth 1000

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Darby Gunpowder:
If you guessed Billy Bob Thornton, you and a guest win a trip to beautiful Fantasy Island. Angelina Jolie was forced to attend the Kung Fu DVD release party probably due to a death threat if she didn’t show. The threat was said to have come from the Panda Bear Costume Store on La Brea.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
So…yeah. Apparently in the upcoming issue of W magazine Angelina Jolie poses while breastfeeding. Now I can’t confirm who or what will be the recipient of Angelina’s breast milk but If I know Angi like I think I do we’re all in for a real shit show. A circus freak act with biscuit wheels. So for now I’ll leave you with these pics of Angelina wooing a defenseless horse (which I think could be considered illegal in most states but what-ev). A source confirmed the upcoming shoot,

It’s true! Sources who’ve seen the photos confirm exclusively to Life & Style that Angelina Jolie really did pose for the cover story of W magazine while breast-feeding!
“Angelina posed for Brad [Pitt] in one of the photos while breast-feeding,” the source reveals to Life & Style. “It’s really beautiful and tastefully done.”
“The photos are amazing,” adds a second source.
Brad shot the photos in mid-August at Chateau Miraval, the family’s home in the South of France. They’re scheduled to appear in W’s November issue, hitting newsstands on Oct. 21.

Seriously though, photoshoot aside, if there ever was an animal rights activist out there that didn’t like Angelina Jolie, for whatever reason, this is your chance. That horse is literally nose deep in Angi’s boobage. Straight inter-species motorboating.

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Darby Gunpowder:
The British have no problem plastering Keeley Hazel and Lucy Pinder’s chest cannons all over the UK, but they do have a problem with Angelina wielding a rock-hard steel pistol in her ‘Wanted’ movie poster. So much so, the UK has banned the poster for glorifying violence. according to Dlisted,

“The U.K.’s Advertising Standards Authority ruled that two movie posters for “Wanted” glamorize guns and violence. Only 17 complaints were made against the posters, but the ASA felt it was enough to ban them forever!”

We here at Derober partially agree with the ban. Who wants to see Angelina Jolie holding a boring old gun?? When, if given a choice, we would much rather see her holding another weapon: a 16 inch dildo. You’re welcome ASA. Please feel free to use the above reproduction for your replacement posters.