Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
If you haven’t met ‘Tyrone the tit loving T-Rex,’ than let this be a coming out party. He’s profiled all the greatest celebrity racks. He viewed Jean Harlow’s mammories during the depression. He coped with Marilyn’s juggs during the second great world war. And did I mention ladies, he’s a Vietnam Vet himself? Yes, Tyrone gets the skinny on any famous set of hose-hounds and we’re lucky to have him as our man dinosaur in the field on everything breasts. In this shot he is getting the scoop on Ashlee Simpson’s boobs.

Bob ‘The Bitch’–”Tyrone, anything fun or unusual to report on Ashlee’s fun-bags?”
Tyrone–”SHE GOT RACK”
Bob ‘The Bitch’: ” Well, you heard it hear folks, Ashlee Simpson sadly has something worth paying attention to. Back to you in the studio John and Leo.

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Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wenz have a shotgun wedding (Perez)
Biggest fake boobs in the world makes record book (Asylum)
Laura Dern will return for next Jurassic Park (Stab)
Lohan is really, really desperate for a job (BedHead)
New Batman poster (Pink)
Joss Stone’s lesbian kiss (Stepfather)
Beckinsale or Marisa Miller? (On205th)

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John:
Three weeks ago, Derober was the first to report that Ashlee Simpson might have cheated on, A-1 DB, Pete Wentz when they first got together. Well it turns out there’s a snowballs chance in the arctic this may be true. THERE IS A GOD! The Derobers happen to be mutual friends with the guy (requested anonymity) who’s friends with the secret lover, TJ Swartz, and gave us the scoop via email:

“So my buddy TJ is the guy I was telling you about who hooked up with Ashley Simpson while she was with Pete Wentz. He’s just some normal dude from Chicago -no industry connects. He met Ashley at this lounge called Manor about a year ago and they hooked up a few times whenever she came in town. We used to give him shit about her taste in guys because she was dating that tool box Pete Wentz. TJ never admitted to sleeping with her, but when I asked him about her pregnancy he said “I did the math dude, trust me, it’s not mine.” haaa, I hope not!. These are the pics TJ sent me last year when they showed up on some Ashley fan site -enjoy”

Derober spoke to one of TJ’s ex-girlfriends, Lisa Wagner, who says, “TJ is seriously the nicest, most polite, and most shy person I ever met. I’m not surprised at all about the whole Ashlee thing. Girls like him a lot, a real charmer.”
The timing on this couldn’t be worse for Simpson. Ashlee and the Wentz-Bag are rumored to be wed this weekend outside LA. This is like the time when my uncle was about to get married and his fiance invited him on the Jerry Springer show to ‘talk about stuff.’ My uncle just wanted to meet Steve the bouncer. Steve, the bouncer.

P.S. Oh, did we mention there is a tape of T.J. discussing the rendezvous? So silly of me. Stay tuned.

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John:
Ashlee Simpson took the milk puppies out to dinner with Wentz Bag last night. Pete is really enjoying himself right now I’ll bet. Just wait though, Pete my boy. Soon, Ashtray’s body will grow proportional to the massive mammaries and vacation over. It’s like when a really cute puppy gets all big and you just don’t love it as much as you used to when it was tiny but with big tits and….I’m getting a little lost here.

Update: These 2 clowns are getting married next week!

Update 2: The rumor mill is buzzing with whispers of cheating! Who? When? Where? More to come!

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John:
Derober is in no position to confirm this rumor right now but we are hearing chatter from people we know well that ‘ol Ashlee might not be as enamored with the Wentz-Bag as it appears. Apparently, there are some pictures of Ashlee with another man lookin’ real cheat-like taken a year ago. If we get these photos we are going to publish the crap out of ‘em. Until then, stay calm and tip your waiter.

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