Derober

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen want you to think that they are just like you and I. They go out and eat french fries and fried chicken sandwiches, maybe suck down a chocolate shake. I noticed that none of the food in front of them is, well, eaten.
Mary-Kate and Ashley were never taught to eat their food. Instead, Mary-Kate gets down really close and stares at it. I once head her tell a chicken mcnugget, “mcnugget, if i wanted to eat you, would I put you in my breathing hole?” The mcnugget remained unresponsive while Mary-Kate jammed it into her ear.

~Roll mouse over photo to derobe~

Photo courtesy of peta.com

Dee:
This is too good! Upset that the Olsen’s new clothing line uses real fur, Peta has created an interactive art-death room where you can dress the twins in various dead animals in what Defamer is calling their ‘signature homeless-chic fashion line.’ I dressed ‘Trashley:

Now, I wasn’t sure if the ‘Electrocuted Emine Evening Dress’ would match the ‘Skinned Seal Stilettos’, but they turned out to be a perfect match! The ‘Little Lamb Legwarmers’ worked well, but they kept sliding down her legs with all that blood, poor dear. I think the final product is, well, breathtaking.

John:
This is like the Derober’s wet dream. I dressed ‘Hairy-Kate‘ in the ‘Dead Doggy Shoulder Bag’ and the ‘Butchered Beaver Shoes’ which arrived just in time for winter, thank god. I couldn’t choose between the ‘Mangled Possum Earmuffs’ or the ‘Doomed Racoon Hat’, but I knew Ashley was wearing the ‘Bludgeoned Bunny Beret’ and I didn’t want them to look to much like twins, ya’ know?

~ roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Photo courtesy of businessweek.com

Stop the Press! Lance Armstrong and li’l ol’ Ashley Olson are playing tonsil hockey. According the the New York Post gossip section,

Ashley Olsen has a new, older man. The 21-year-old twin showed up to the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel Monday night with Tory Burch’s ex, Lance Armstrong, 36. Our bar spy said, “They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m.” Armstrong has been spending more time in town since he bought a home here. Another source said, “He tried to make Tory happy when they were dating by buying a place here, but she couldn’t deal with him not actually living in the same city, so they broke up.” Olsen’s rep didn’t return calls.

Leo:
Take note civilians: if you want to date your famous childhood crush, you have to win the Tour de France seven consecutive times. Shit. I have some work to do. I say good for you Lance (you bastard) -the world’s your oyster, so why not hook up with an Olson Twin. I’m so happy your “Things to do before I die” list is getting shorter and shorter (prick)…