Well done, you

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John:
Audrina Partridge hits the beach to film a new episode of The Hills. I’m sure the conversation was stimulating. After seeing these photos, I see no reason why the women of The Hills should ever wear anything but bikinis. I’d tune in. Just mute the show, turn on some Hank Jr., and toss back a beer or ten while Audrina prances around, muted.

How could this photo of Audrina Partrige get any hotter?

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John:
Audrina Partridge and her sister, Dozer, went to the MGM Grand to be almost famous over the weekend. Her sister’s name isn’t really Dozer. I just call it like I see it. Audrina is going to have to come up with a new gimmick soon to get our attention. I’m over here giving her a face-boob transplant just to spice things up ’cause the bikini thing is startin’ to wear thin. Did somebody say Playboy?

And Audrina takes it by a nipple!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’
:
With stiff competition coming from all over the globe, it is with great pride that I announce this year’s winner of the coveted Greatest Rack in ’08 award. And the gold goes to..Audrina Partridge. Please take a bow, Audrina…and stay in that position until I tell you otherwise. OK, ok, so perhaps it’s not fair to award Audrina given that her boobs are as convincing as a Keanu Reeves portrayal of Hamlet. But in today’s age of steroids and performance enhancing drugs why should I hold a little thing like a boob job against her? I ask you, if someone steals a Plasma TV from Wal-Mart and gives it to you as a birthday present do you shun them for breaking the rules or embrace them for giving you exactly what you wanted. I don’t know about you, but I’ll go with the ladder.

That’s no side-boob, it’s a space station!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
There are a few constants in my life. My need for gratuitous shotgun blasts. My hatred of douchebags getting laid…period. And my love of tits. Specifically, side boobs in this case. Audrina Partridge has done to me what General Patton did to Rommel’s tank army. She read my book. Seriously, if I were to give a play-by-play book on how to stay on my good-side, then excluding the use of shotguns and or providing an endless stream of cotton candy Audrina is perfect. She completes me. She sets my loans on fire. And anyone who knows me well knows that’s a privilege. An honor fit for the god’s, so to speak.

Audrina Partridge update. She is surrounded by douchebags

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John:
Audrina Partridge is at the Standard in downtown LA. It appears that she was the only girl invited. I’ve never seen so many douchebags in one place since my Uncle Vinnie’s wedding at Medieval Times. Also, you gotta click on Aurdrina when she’s on that douchebags back. Her tits look like they might pop. It’s like a beacon of hope in a dark, dark world.