You mean to tell me you’ve never gone tit-skydiving?

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Combine two of the greatest things on earth, put them in a bottle and you’ve got something sweeter than you. No, I’m not talking about cotton candy laced with acid I’m referring to the blossoming sport of tit-skydiving. Lets see, a seemingly endless free-fall out of a plane, but instead of plummeting uneventfully to the ground (boring as being sober at the zoo) you land gracefully in a scrumptioulecent pair of juggs. In this case, I chose Hills star (hehe) Audrina Partridge’s heavenly boobs as my landing pad. You are probably wondering if I noticed whether her lady cannons were fake or not while I was down there; however, when your knee deep in nipple you don’t stop to look at the siding. You just make a stupid face and suck til the utter runs dry.

Nobody motorboats my girlfriend without permission

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John:
A simple, “Can I motorboat your bitch please” would have sufficed. Instead this dude sticks his fat dumb head into a world of pain. And, yes, I can summon a bottle of Milwaukee’s Best from the heavens at my will.

Audrina is on the set of her new film The Reef. Let’s face it, the movie is going to be almost unwatchable. In fact, The Reef spelled backwards is Strait to DVD. True story.

Also, if you get a minute, Karina Smirnoff’s top popped off today. Bam!

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Yeah, Boba and Audrina go out for tea and sex every Sunday. Boba never calls back. No woman can cage the Fett. It’s like catching a seal lathered in butter.

Click here to see what I am doing tonight

Guess who’s ‘Hot’ and who’s ‘Hippocrate’

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:

According to an interview with Canada’s National Post Lauren Conrad

won’t date guys that are in reality TV shows. The hippocrate Conrad said,

Dating [on The Hills] is hard because, personally, I don’t really want to date a guy that wants to be on a reality show, but those are the only kind of guys I can date,

Really?! That’s funny coming from a woman who whores herself out the the world every day on a scripted reality TV show. Get off your high horse. Who are you to judge other people who are pursuing a career via reality TV. Don’t get me wrong, I hate all of you. But I’m not exactly on reality TV myself am I? So I can say that. In the meantime, do yourself a favor. Find a nice little canyon and throw yourself in it. And on the decent down remember not to criticize other people for throwing themselves off cliffs. Hippocrate.

Audrina Patridge nude pics: The Empire Strikes Back

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Oh Lord, I never thought I’d be here. I’m just so proud to be part of such a heavenly pair of jugs like Audrina’s. I’d like to thank the Academy of Jugg Handlers for acknowledging my work with such a grand set of titons. As we all know, those were no small breasts to cup. I still can’t believe I was able to keep up with Audrina’s curvaceous boobies. It’s not easy to keep your composure while holding a rack like that. It’s like holding the cup(s) of the Carpenter.
I’d also like to thank Audrina herself for believing that I could pull off such a daunting task. You took a chance on me when no other woman would. Lastly, I would like to thank all the critics who said I couldn’t do it. The critics who thought my hands were too small, too stubby. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here today.
And thanks to the fans, if you’ll let me stick around for a while longer, I promise to cup as many boobs as humanly possible. Thanks and good day.

For those of you who missed the first nude spread. Bam!

MTV ‘Hills’ star Audrina Partridge posed nude in failed Playboy attempt

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John:
Audrina Partridge woke up one morning a few years back and decided it was time to pose for Playboy. She grabbed a friend and asked him to take some nude shots of her. The friend picked has jaw up off the floor and shook his head (for he could not speak). The result is this failed attempt to catch the eyes of the Playboy editors. According to the friend:

“She was determined to go ahead with it, even though she was warned to wait and see how her modeling went before doing topless stuff.
“She was always comfortable in front of the camera and wasn’t shy or nervous about doing a nude shoot.
But Audrina’s hopes of impressing glamour magazine editors were shattered when Playboy showed no interest in her pictures.
The insider said: “Looking at the pictures you’d say they were crazy to turn her down.
“She looks absolutely sensational.

God bless you, The Hill’s star. You’re a sinner and a patriot.
More photos at the the source, WWTDD. Boom!