Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This may be nothing, but just yesterday Avril Lavigne and hubby Deryck Whibley shopped for baby items at Beverly Hills baby shop, Petite Tresor. But is she pregnant? You never can tell these days. Personally, I think Avril is just that bored. I can imagine the conversation. “Hey Avril, what should we do today?” “Mmm, maybe go shopping Hun?” “Sure, but where, Avril?” “…Baby store??” “Hey I’m stoned, why the F@#% not.”

And that’s how Avril’s Monday went

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Dee:
Avril Lavigne’s ticket sales have gotten off to a slow start to put it mildly. We just checked her official site and only one of the 80 dates she’s scheduled has sold out in Kingston Ontario, twenty minutes from Avril’s home town. Avril has been amping up her public appearances which probably doesn’t help because Avril has the personality of a tick-infested chimp.
John:
This morning, I checked my ‘Cross Bonez’ profile on avrillavigne.com to get my secret code for the pre-sale tickets and I almost killed my mom when I found out she had gotten me the ‘Hot’ VIP tickets instead of the ‘Best Damn’ VIP’s where I have an outside chance to win a lottery and meet Avril if she ‘feels like coming out.’ If I don’t get my hands on a ‘Platinum entry pass’ so I can get backstage and have Avril sign my Sk8ter Boi socks, heads will roll.

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Dee:
Avril Lavigne was paid low six figures to host Planet Hollywood’s New Year’s bash at Prive ($150,000-$200,000 is her current appearance fee). Prive means ‘private’ in French. Avril means ‘dream dumpster’ in French. Just FYI. Avril’s hosting duties included ‘helping with countdown to midnight’ and ‘popping champaign bottles.’ Tough, but somebody’s gotta’ do it.
John:
For $200,000 I would have cleaned the toilets with my tongue at the end of the night. Damn you, Dream Dumpster!

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Photo courtesy of wireimages.com
Dee:
Avril Lavigne showed up at the AMA’s looking exactly like the white-trash youths I saw last weekend at Six Flags Magic Mountain. Judging by those raccoon eyes, I’m guessing she has heard of makeup. I think she might have missed a spot in the neck area. That’s the place where her husband attached his mouth like a Hoover vacuum during the limo ride. Classy.

John:
Dee! Who crapped in your Cheerios this morning? It is true that if Avril painted her face gold and stood really still, she could make $50 a day in Times Square, easy. But who really cares? It could be a birth mark. If not, Get some, Avril!

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