How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Beyonce?

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
I can’t stop looking at this photo. I mean Beyonce’s flank is covered but she still seems open to a frontal assault. I think she could use one more bodyguard out front, that’s all I’m saying. Also, I think her whole detail is too small.
I’m guess I’m trying to shift focus away from the fact that Beyonce might be out of her f*cking narcissistic mind. Is she expecting the Chinese to invade South Miami Beach? If that’s the case, fine. But I still think her whole detail is too small.

Raise your hand if you’re an idiot

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
Hip hop ex- huster Jay-Z and Beyonce have finally tied the knot. The ultra-private ceremony included all the Knowles, the Destiny’s Children and Gwyneth & Chris Martin. This weekend marked the end of an era for Jay-Z and all the fans who believed his teachings about the opposite sex. We leave you now with some quotes from Jay-Z songs ‘eternal’ pimpin’ days. You deceived us all, Jay, and I’ll never forgive you.

“You know I love ’em and leave ’em ’cause I don’t f*ckin’ need ’em” – Big Pimpin’

“I got 99 problems but the bitch ‘aint one” – 99 Problems

“I might bark your ex, and spit at the locks” – It’s Like That

“Life’s short, so play hard and stick hard
and the only time you love em is when your dick hard”- Cashmere Thoughts

“Tryin to find a little hon for some one-night love” 2 Many Hoes

“I get that butter all night
And if you free tomorrow night we can meet and discuss price” – 1-900-Hustler

Jay-Z and Beyonce Future Wedding Photo

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Darby Gunpowder:
Derober has an exclusive photo from Jay-Z and Beyonce’s wedding in the future. We’re that good. The couple of five years finally wanted to consummate their marriage with sex, so they hit up a court house in Scarsdale, NY and made their mark in ink.
According to WWTDD,

The pair reportedly got the license yesterday morning, which means the earliest they could get hitched is Wednesday. Otherwise, it’s good for 60 days anywhere in New York State.
A spokeswoman for BeyoncĂ© refused to comment, and Jay-Z’s rep couldn’t be reached.

This has the potential for a late April Fools joke, but in order for the power couple to pull one over on us, we would have to give a shit in the first place.

Did Beyonce and Jay-Z tie the knot?

~Roll mouse over photo to derobe~

Dee:
MediaTakeOut is reporting that Beyonce and Jay-Z secretly tied the knot a week ago and Page Six is backing it. Last week Jay-Z and Beyonce were married in a small private ceremony in Paris, France. According to their source, who is an EXTREMELY close family member of Beyonce’s, the couple chose, instead of exchanging rings, to tattoo a personal inscription on each of their ring fingers. In this case, the Roman Numeral IV. Wow!

John:
My dad used to say, “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.” A lot of people don’t know this, but I was supposed to marry Beyonce. She was my destiny. We were going to have a child. It would have been an important child, a child of destiny if you will. I was going to pay her telephone bills as well as her automo-bills. Disappointed. Yes, that’s the word.

How DOES Beyonce keep that booty in check??

~Roll mouse over photo to derobe~

Photo courtesy of thesuperficial.com.com

Dee:
Everyone’s favorite bootylicious love puppet Beyonce Knowles strutted down the red carpet at the American Music Awards last weekend in a beautiful golden dress. It’s no wonder men everywhere keep going back to the proverbial well that is Beyonce’s voluptuous behind. Good for you girl, work that thing for all it’s worth.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Beyonce’s butt terrifies me. If I saw that semi-truck backing in to me on the street I’d seek shelter immediately. Because the damage that thing could inflict upon a meer mortal is devastating. It would be like a stack of 2-4s smacking you square in your face. An elephant popping a squat right on your head. Or a wrecking ball blind-siding you. Like I said, terrifying.