Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Well this is worth a shot. To those friends of mine viewing the after image now all I ask is that you take the fifth with regards to my boom-stick’s girth. And as for you ex-girlfriends…well screw it, say what you want; your opinions carry the same weight as a crumb forever stuck to the bottom of my shoe. The thing about Megan Fox’s body that is so frustrating to me is that I can’t decide which part I like the most. I mean there are her supple, yet refined, breasts that make me question whether a time machine has ever been built and if so is it in fact…her breasts. Then there’s her ass which has an almost dictator-like presence but without the gratuitous ostentatiousness of an ass from a Sir Mix-A-Lot video. And finally there’s her face…just kidding, her legs that say I’m no tree-trunks but I am here to stay. Her body has all the fun of a Chucky Cheese restaurant without any of the shame or regret.

I think she’s the one. But I’ve been wrong…well every time before.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
In case you didn’t already know, Cameron Diaz is rolling sans hair these days. She’s bald as a baby’s ass. Apparently, Diaz has done this for her role in a new dramatic movie called Snooze Fest My Sister’s Keeper in which she tries her damnedest to bore us all to tears. And lets see, Diaz made to look ugly in a dramatic movie. Is this something I want to see?? Sure, why not?? And while I’m at it why don’t I pay a couple hundred grand for a Ferrari that just happens to share the same design as my Hyundai Elantra. Or maybe I’ll eat the most fattening meal ever that just happens to taste like a big bag of dog shit. No Diaz, we go to your movies to see you shake your ass in a string bikini with the hopes of catching a glimpse of your nipples. You don’t get to reinvent the wheel on why you’re famous.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You thought you could get away with it, Hilary. You thought I’d just let it slide. But you made a fatal mistake, Hilary. You bought coffee from Starbucks. You bitch. That is the highest form of corporate whoring. The summit of selling out. A cornucopia of commercial excrement. Let this be a lesson now and forever that I DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH STARBUCKS CONSUMERS.

For more on the corporate slut.