Derober

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Someone just took a dump on my childhood memories. Perhaps the greatest talent I ever heard or saw, in addition to looking like ET’s albino cousin, is now having to foreclose on his Neverland Ranch. I mean what is the world coming to when my boyhood icon isn’t even able to own an amusement park in his back yard? I put it to you. I mean sure he’s bat-sh@t crazy, but what did you expect? It’s MICHAEL JACKSON. He makes Mike Tyson look like the world’s safest bet. Elton John once saw him while high on cocaine and decided right then and there that it was time to start taking heroin. Kids everywhere are missing out Mike’s private thumb ride. In all honesty, Mike, you may be the world’s biggest freak to date. But we’ll always have Thriller. And for that we are all in debt to you.

PS–you look….good……maybe try to avoid showing your face..ever again.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You know for the first time in years I woke up this morning and didn’t contemplate suicide. Normally, it’s me on the porch in my rocking chair watching the sunrise with a bottle of Jack and my nine. But after hearing that Paris Hilton is planning to leave the states for good I’ve gained a new outlook on life. I no longer consider birds chirping to be the voices inside my head, I look at bottles and think they’re half full, and I checked myself out in the mirror for the first time since Nixon was impeached from office and thought…I’d f#@k me. According to the Showbiz Spy,

“Paris Hilton is planning a permanent move to London.
The hotel heiress is currently in the British capital filming her new TV show Paris Hilton’s My New BBF (British Best Friend). And she is ready to leave Hollywood for good and settle down in the UK.
She told friends, “I love it here, I am going to move here permanently. I have already been here for one month and am much, much happier here.
“I love guys with English accents. I have met a really cute English guy, but it’s early days.”

Somebody break open my piggy bank, I’m going to Vegas! Time to ride Lady Luck to the promise land, bitches.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Now you’re speaking my language, Sarah. Tits equal sound fundamental politics in my book. In fact I’d say tits just took the lead for quickest way to win over my heart, narrowly edging out cooking a nice steak dinner. Alright so maybe Sarah Palin is not actually taking any part in the upcoming Nailin’ Paylin porno video (played by Lisa Ann who I think will be up for an academy award). However, she is the films’ inspiration which I think makes her partially liable. Anyways, finally finally I have a reason to give a damn about politics. From now on their should always be an easy-on-the eyes milf candidate running for office. BANG…the vote is passed, one to nothing.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Some would say I’m a natural born nurturer. I just like to think I’m doing my part as an American citizen. Land of the free, indeed. Anyways, when you’re an American celebrity seeking press on a German talk show dressed like Helga the town whore you tend to look a little desperate. Don’t get me wrong those jugs are miraculous. Scientists are looking into whether they can help restore the polar ice caps. In the meantime, Salma, you are better than this. If you want the free press why don’t you just walk down the street in an outfit like this? Trust me, you’ll be cast in the next James Cameron movie in five minutes.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Well Lindsay Lohan and her special lady friend Samantha Ronson (who reminds me of Pat) were spotted on the beaches of Los Cabos, Mexico. The two played Scrabble, spin the bottle, and discussed whether or not now was a good time to admit they’re gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. My dog is gay, and I love him like the son I’ll never have.