Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’ve suspected it for years. People kept wondering how a woman could be so vulgar, so powerful and so addicted to sex. But the answer was always simpler than they ever could’ve imagined…Madonna IS a man. That’s right, she’s got a pair of balls the size of New Mexico. They have their own orbit. King Kong was ashamed of himself after seeing them. Did I mention Madonna is a man?? OK, good. Anyways, Madonna and her man bits just started the ‘Sticky and Sweet’ Tour (not making that up) in England. The tour will go for several months or until the sponsors realize they just had sex with a man and pull the plug. And by ‘plug’ I mean concert you sickos.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Just look at how miserable a human being Nicole Scherzinger looks like on her private boat. She makes the same cringe with her face that my dog makes when he scoots his shitty ass across the carpet. She’s looks like the kind of girl that if you dated she would give you the cold shoulder all day until she thought of something for you to do for her.

“Oh Nicole…you need another pair of Dior sunglasses..right…right now? But I just got you a pair..I….but…oh, they weren’t the right tint of champagne color. Ok, babe. I’ll get right on it. In the meantime would you mind kindly going and F#CKING YOURSELF!”

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Yes, that’s the ticket. I’m trying to think how I’d react if I was on the set of Transformers 2 and saw Megan Fox fixing her boobs and I’ve narrowed it down to three possibilities. One, I focus the sun’s light through a magnifying glass into my eyes blinding myself because once you’ve seen perfection nothing else will make you happy. Two, I piss my pants and forget who I am for a half an hour. Or three, I create a time machine and spend my entire life traveling back to that single moment in time. I mean if you’re gonna go, go with a smile. Long story short, Meg darling, have you ever considered Playboy? You’ve got the goods, and with my help you could be the best.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
There are a few constants in my life. My need for gratuitous shotgun blasts. My hatred of douchebags getting laid…period. And my love of tits. Specifically, side boobs in this case. Audrina Partridge has done to me what General Patton did to Rommel’s tank army. She read my book. Seriously, if I were to give a play-by-play book on how to stay on my good-side, then excluding the use of shotguns and or providing an endless stream of cotton candy Audrina is perfect. She completes me. She sets my loans on fire. And anyone who knows me well knows that’s a privilege. An honor fit for the god’s, so to speak.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Listen, I only had time for one post today and it would be unfair NOT to include each of these two beautimous babes. Audrina Partridge and Neri..Nare….the chick who was banging Cristiano Ronaldo a few months back; we’ll call her Sally for simplicity’s sake. Anyways, Audrina and Sally’s rocking tits have been a constant source of inspiration in my life. Kind of like Adrian was to Rocky, or rocks are to a crack-head. And in my darkest hour when I question the very meaning of life a beam of white light bursts out of the blackness. All I can make out though the blinding glow are these two sets of heavenly tits. And suddenly my purpose in life becomes very clear–I must run for president.

Vote ‘The Bitch’ in 2020. If you like atomic breasts then I am your man.

BTW–Sally’s real name is Nereida Gallardo, just in case you need her help.