Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’
Marisa Miller roles with good company. As I made evident in my tell all book 5 Ways to Woo Marisa Miller, Marisa and I are happily dating. Or I guess you could say we are more friends with benefits. Whatever you want to call our relationship is semantics anyways–I rock…she rolls…we f@ck 3 times a day and 4 times on Sundays. And as a woman of class it should come as no surprise that Marisa has done a ‘proper’ topless/bottomless spread for the August issue of GQ magazine. And in a related story, there has been a startling increase of men who’ve developed carpal tunnel syndrome since the spread’s release. And all I can say is look but don’t touch fellas. Ol’ Rusty the sawed-off shotgun is always waiting close by my side.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Why oh why can’t I just see Lucy Pinder’s tits soaked in milk and shimmering in the sun–JUST ONCE! Really, is it so much to ask?

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’ll be blunt, this rack comes from an unholy place. Unzipping Christina Aguilera’s jacket is like an amusement park for grown men. It may have just taken the lead as my favorite tit-olympic sport beating out such favorites as tit-slaloming, the tit-half pipe and of course..tit-skydiving. Apparently X-tina recently went on Larry King to discuss her involvement in Rock The Vote but all I heard was, “Bob, please take your face and rock out a drum solo on my enormous tits.” To which I promptly replied to by throwing on a cape and rushing out the door. It’s a hard knocker life but somebody has to do it.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Combine two of the greatest things on earth, put them in a bottle and you’ve got something sweeter than you. No, I’m not talking about cotton candy laced with acid I’m referring to the blossoming sport of tit-skydiving. Lets see, a seemingly endless free-fall out of a plane, but instead of plummeting uneventfully to the ground (boring as being sober at the zoo) you land gracefully in a scrumptioulecent pair of juggs. In this case, I chose Hills star (hehe) Audrina Partridge’s heavenly boobs as my landing pad. You are probably wondering if I noticed whether her lady cannons were fake or not while I was down there; however, when your knee deep in nipple you don’t stop to look at the siding. You just make a stupid face and suck til the utter runs dry.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Been a while since you saw the sights and sounds of Sea World. Wait no longer. Matt Damon is all the orca fun you will ever need. Apparently he bulged up for an upcoming movie roll but if you ask me I think marriage has just taken a toll on him. Either way I can only imagine this isn’t for a roll in the Bourne series. Although The Bourne Blubbery has a nice ring to it.

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