Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’
I’m a man of my word. Really when I see an ass like this I normally roll around the grass on my back begging for biscuits. But a closer examination of these pics reveals that Kristen Bell is being accompanied by a giant bag of douche. Ex Punk-er and former hemorrhoid Dax Shepard can be seen groping Bell’s ass in a manner that spoils my morning hangover. I just wanted to revel in my own self-loathing in peace but no, now I have to be reminded why Kristen Bell’s ass will never be mine.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This is what falling off the wagon at ‘ludicrous speed’ looks like. Ok, ok, so allegedly Colin Farrell is losing all this weight for a new movie role. But that still begs the question how did he lose all the weight? He looks like Death if Death were late for a meeting and had to throw on a spare piece of Ghandi’s skin. You know God hates you when Death shows up for briefings stoned, sans skin.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
On the set of her new movie My Career is Over: First Blood Labor Pains yesterday, Lohan demonstrated why women should never swing bats–it just looks funny. Apparently, the integrity of this film is stout seeing as they actually let Lindsay wear her own leggings for the role. I can only imagine the costume department is actually one washed up old bag they keep locked in a porta potty. The crew brings her out and points to people to which they either get a thumbs up or down approval from Gretta. They’d get rid of her but she’s part of a union and people generally like the scent of moldy cookies that she emits.

As for Lo-Dog we can only hope that we see a real upshirt from her in the movie because why the F#ck else would anyone ever watch her pretend to play a sport. As if Herbie Fully Loaded wasn’t bad enough. Watching Lohan play baseball would be like watching a hemorrhoid grow.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I once asked my Great Grand Pappy Winston (God rest his soul) why he thought a great pair of tits were better than all seven of the wonders of the world. He looked down at me with a dry grimace, moonshine trickling out of his mouth, and in a low crackly voice he explained, “because a great pair of tits is the only treasure that you never get tired of seeing, boy.”

It’s a sound point. Boobs are like the gateway to my childhood. The only thing that can bring me the same sense of euphoria I felt as a kid when I planted bottle rockets in fishes’ mouths and watched them explode all the while toting a tall bowl of cotton candy by my side; heaven I tell you. That’s what Lucy Pinder and Sophie Howard’s juggs are to me, a slice of my youth. But that’s just one man’s opinion. Anyways, these British babes are posing for the pages of Nuts Magazine and I am now sold on the country.

Random Important Addition: The 50 Hottest Chicks (barely) dressed as Wonder Woman has arrived here!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This is Marisa Miller in the May issue of Ralph Magazine. Many know her as the blond supermodel who’s graced the pages of nearly every ’sex selling’ magazine known to man. But few know her for another special reason–she’s also my girlfriend. That’s right free world, I’d like to officially announce that Marisa and I are an item. Like peas and carrots we have been in a passionate romance for the past 3 years. But if you are like how I used to be (mangina) then you’re probably wondering how I bagged such a beautimous babe. And in my new tell all book 5 Ways on How to Woo a Beautimous Babe (really a short story with pictures) you will learn from my method. A method I’ve come to call the ‘wear the pants or go home’ method (also accompanied with pictures and SNAKES). So get off your ass and bag that babe with the gravy train with biscuit wheels body today. Just not Marisa Miller…cause that’s my bitch and I own a sawed off shotgun.

Good luck.

Return to i-am-bored.com for more boredom relief or just take a look at Gemma Atkinson without any clothes on here.

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