Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Oh the memories Jess and I have shared on the banks of Lake Tahoe. Whether I’m flashing the locals, rocking out a deuce over the railing of my boat or just challenging sharks to a sporting contest of murder, Jessica Simpson never fails to wave politely. We’re like this. Ever since I cured her of the measles (on her vagina ;)) she has always made time for me. And you know what Jess, I will always make time for you.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
We’re in the midst of another epic summer out here in LA and you know what that means–CELEBRITY ROTISSERIE TIME! It’s like roasting a hot dog without all the guilt. And Miley Cyrus was so gracious to provide us with her company. The only thing this picture is missing is a slew of ewoks and a famous person I actually give a sh#t about. But this will have to suffice for the time being. Happy middle of the summer everyone!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’
Marisa Miller roles with good company. As I made evident in my tell all book 5 Ways to Woo Marisa Miller, Marisa and I are happily dating. Or I guess you could say we are more friends with benefits. Whatever you want to call our relationship is semantics anyways–I rock…she rolls…we f@ck 3 times a day and 4 times on Sundays. And as a woman of class it should come as no surprise that Marisa has done a ‘proper’ topless/bottomless spread for the August issue of GQ magazine. And in a related story, there has been a startling increase of men who’ve developed carpal tunnel syndrome since the spread’s release. And all I can say is look but don’t touch fellas. Ol’ Rusty the sawed-off shotgun is always waiting close by my side.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Why oh why can’t I just see Lucy Pinder’s tits soaked in milk and shimmering in the sun–JUST ONCE! Really, is it so much to ask?

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’ll be blunt, this rack comes from an unholy place. Unzipping Christina Aguilera’s jacket is like an amusement park for grown men. It may have just taken the lead as my favorite tit-olympic sport beating out such favorites as tit-slaloming, the tit-half pipe and of course..tit-skydiving. Apparently X-tina recently went on Larry King to discuss her involvement in Rock The Vote but all I heard was, “Bob, please take your face and rock out a drum solo on my enormous tits.” To which I promptly replied to by throwing on a cape and rushing out the door. It’s a hard knocker life but somebody has to do it.