Brad Pitt sleeps alone

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Not only is the happiest couple in the world getting married, they are sleeping in separate beds. According to “reliable sources” Brad is aging backwards and Angelina keeps waking up in cold sweats thinking she is sleeping with a young boy. The kids are unaware of the situation and are too distracted by a simple game of tag because they are all saying “You’re it!” in different languages.

Brangelina Twins forced to do photoshoot for millions

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Darby Gunpowder:
Just when you think America had a foothold on child labor laws, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are putting their new twins to work before their 1 month birthday -a rigorous photo-shoot. The twins are expected to fetch more than 11 million bucks for their first pics. Disgusting. It’s bad enough the twins, a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline have to live with those crappy names the rest of their lives.

Angelina Jolie’s ‘Twin Watch’ has me gripped with suspense

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Like a midget at a urinal, this story keeps me on my toes. Angelina Jolie twin watch ’08 is like a supercharged sex addicted muscle car exploding out of the uterus of a rancor. It has already had more miss calls then a red state in a presidential election. I for one can’t stand the suspense. It’s gotten to the point where every time I take more than three steps I piss my pants and forget who I am for a half an hour. If there’s anyone out there reading this right now, please call a priest who is well versed in the 70’s art form known as exorcisms. If that’s not available, a doctor or a fortune teller will suffice, as both have the power to predict if I’m currently growing a tumor.

The official word for those who actually give a shit is that Angelina is still pregnant and with Brad and the foreign family fun bunch in France.

The Ten Million Dollar Baby

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are set to sell photos of their new baby for $10 million. People paid $4 million for baby Shiloh’s pictures so this is…more. It should be noted that they give all proceeds to charity. It should also be noted that this is beyond retarded. My parents had to pay some pedophile at Sears $25 dollars for my first photos and there was not even a clown provided.

Bidding on celebrity babies (pictures)

It’s that time of year again -when celebrities get pregnant the tabloids pay top dollar for the first look at the newborn. According to, Nicole Richie is selling pics of her new baby gal, Harlow to People magazine for a cool $1,000,000. Us Weekly and People magazine are in a bidding war for Cristina Aguilera’s li’l dude Max’s pictorial debut; we’re told these pics will go for around 1.5 mil.

But the “big money” will go to Brad and Angelina’s (possible) twin-kiddo photos. The bidding hasn’t started yet, but their first baby, Shilo’s pics sold for a retarded 4 million dollars -but, the loot did go to charity, so that makes it a little less retarded.

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I wonder why my parents didn’t get paid any cash for my baby pictures? In fact, they PAID Olan Mills $29.99 for 2 8×10’s, 10 5×7’s and 20 wallet-sized baby pics.