Derober

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John:
It’s official, Britney Spears is hot again. There were times before when I was like ‘she’s looking better. I might hit that drunk.’ But now I’m all like, ‘She’s hot again. Officially.’ And since my word is the beginning and end of trading on Wall Street, it’s pretty much law. So welcome back, Britney. I’d hit it.

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John:
Britney Spears is out on tour and apparently they are making stops at the Old Country Buffet. I don’t really know what’s going on in this picture but I counted no less than 27 fatal errors before I quit counting. It’s not that I got bored ‘er nuthin’, I just can’t count past 27.

Here, I’ll try. 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, potato

Damn!

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John:
Christmas is ruined. I want to know how many people had to pass on this until Britney got the offer. Like a million? Seriously, how the f*ck did this happen? Were the past 40 honorees electocuted? I know Beyonce got to light it once but the Rockefeller Center people are really scraping the bottom of the moonshine barrel this year. Maybe K-Fed can show up and help? And by ‘help’ I mean ‘be wasted’. Yes, that would be great! And while we’re at it, have Randy Quad back up his motor home and empty the shitter into the tree for fertilizer…

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Darby Gunpowder:
Britney Spears’ new album cover artwork was released along with her song list. Big whoop. Once again, society has proven to have the memory of a goldfish. Have we forgotten that Britney spun off the planet last year -shaved her head, lost her kids, found a British accent, attacked a car with an umbrella, gained 200 lbs and went to the INSANE ASYLUM?! But now she gets MTV music awards and is being praised for being “normal now”.
If Britney Spears put the infamous photo of her scowling face with shaved head on her new album cover then I would buy it.
Here’s her song list for Circus if you’re really that bored at work:
1. “Womanizer”
2. “Circus”
3. “Out From Under”
4. “Kill The Lights”
5. “Shattered Glass”
6. “If U Seek Amy”
7. “Unusual You”
8. “Blur”
9. “Mmm Papi”
10. “Mannequin”
11. “Lace and Leather”
12. “My Baby”
Bonus Track:
13. “Radar”

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Darby Gunpowder:
At first glance it appears that Britney’s new handlers have retrieved her from the municipal dump, hosed her down and whipped her into shape…
On second glance -is that lice in her ARMPIT HAIR?!. Nope, just lint in her ARMPIT HAIR.
It seems that in the process of explaining to Britney what a bra is and how to put one on, her handlers completely overlooked Britney’s ARMPIT HAIR.

UPDATE: Britney Spears does indeed have ARMPIT HAIR.

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