Dee:
If you’re one of the millions wondering why Britney Spears is such a terrible mother, look no further. When Britney was pregnant with her first child, Sean Preston, she was giving an instruction manual on how to raise children by an Armenian bag lady titled, Keeping Baby Fitnessed and Breathing. We have obtained a copy of the pamphlet for a three-part series called ,”Baby uh-oh.”
This could not have come at a worse time as Britney and Lindsay Lohan have announced their intentions to run for President.
Dee:
A bootleg version of Britney Spears covering the classic Ace of Base song, “All that she wants” is violently spreading through the blogosphere. So here it is in all it’s glory…whadya think?
Note: the Youtube video IS NOT a video, just an audio recording
Dee:
For the record, Cindy stays in the picture. She’s newsworthy and we’ll not be taking her down.
-Britney Spears found out Adnan was going to pimp her out and took him back anyway
-John McCain leads Giuliani in his home state of NY
-Clinton and Obama started really bashing the shit out of each other
-Amy Winehouse got caught smoking crack on video.
-Tom Cruise made an intergalactic ass of himself
-Heath Ledger Died
And I’m not feeling all that great myself.
Welcome to Derober.com
Dee:
According to thesuperficial.com, Britney Spears’ friend Sam Lufti called Ryan Seacrest today to clear up a few of the rumors that had surfaced about Britney. Britney helped answer questions during the LIVE interview by shouting out answers from her shower–while taking a shower. When asked by Seacrest why Britney was taking a shower during an interview Britney shouted, “I stink, ’cause I’m a human being. Shut the door, I’m nasty!” Sam also revealed that the pregnancy test rumor was a hoax created by Britney and Adnan themselves. “I don’t know if they even bought one,” Lutfi said. “I think they were just [expletive] around.” Lutfi explained she doesn’t want to get pregnant. “No, no, no, no, no, no,” he said. “No, not at all.” Asked if she plans to marry Ghalib, Lutfi said: “No, that’s not true.”
Thanks Britney. Thanks for giving us a completely new story by just being yourself.
Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I haven’t smelled trout like that since..well….the last time I caught trout. Niche once said, “If it smells like salmon keep on slamming. If it smells like trout, get the F*%# on out.” Words to live by.
Dee:
Just about two hours ago at 10:30, the police were called (back) to Britney Spears’ house. The details are just coming in. Hold for something really cool and wonderful…
Update:
Sorry, Brit did not go to jail or back to the asylum hospital, but several paparazzi were arrested for reckless driving outside her crib. After the madness died down, Brit went on a midnight shoppings spree at Kitson (yes, she made them open the store for her highness) with lover Adnan and some random dude named The Chad.
Note: we added “The” to Chad’s name as he is most likely a douche considering the company he keeps.