Derober

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Dee:
Britney Spears is firing back at K-Fed. Life and Style is reporting that Britney is accusing Federline of smoking marijuana around her two kids, Jayden and Sean-Preston. Didn’t Life and Style used to be the magazine my mother read when she needed an apple pie recipe? Anyway, Britney wants the children tested for drugs:

“Britney believes Kevin’s been smoking pot in front of the kids,” says a friend of hers. “She says she can smell it in the boys’ hair and on their clothes when she has her visitation with them.”

John:
Let me save you the test. K-Fed is smoking pot around his kids, the neighbors kids, the nanny and her kids, his chauffeur, and the chauffeur’s kid (who’s a little ’special’). That said, this accusation will never hold water. Britney is the one with only partial visitation rights because of her documented drug use and failed drug tests. Don’t throw stones in glass houses, Brit. You’re making your children into pawns instead of making yourself a better person. The judge might test the kids, but the blame is going to fall right back on you, tubby.

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Dee:
This story keeps getting more ridiculous as the fallout from yesterday’s pregnancy announcement takes place. Jamie Lynne’s father Jamie Spears is reportedly “furious” at mother Lynne Spears for selling the exclusive pregnancy story to OK! magazine.”He put his foot down and refused to take any money and ‘profit off of his children,’” a source told Us Weekly. Though maybe he’d like to reconsider after hearing that Jamie received 1 million dollars for the story. Poppa-bear Jamie was “devastated” by the news. He’s “extremely depressed” and “feels Jamie Lynn ruined her life.” In addition to Poppa Spears’ broken heart, the worse news is that Lynne Spears’ tell-all book about parenting is being delayed. The book was slated to be released in 2008. How will I ever know how to raise a child without Lynne’s help??

Bob ‘The Bitch’ All I want to know is why in the hell would you name both of your daughters after the mother and father of the family. Can’t you see how confusing and convoluted that makes things. Furthermore, Jamie why don’t you take your balls out of your ex-wife’s purse and make a stand for once in your life. Wear the pants Jamie, wear the pants!

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Dee:
According to the new issue of OK!, Jamie Lynne Spears went on record with her mom to announce that she IS pregnant. Just one thing, she’s only 16!!! The boyfriend, Casey Aldridge, he’s 19–is that wrong? Oh Jamie, good luck with all that.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Jamie, Nickelodeon is calling…they want their contract back. Too bad, I loved Zoey 101. If you like this, check out our pregnancy pose-off!

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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com.
Perez Hilton is reporting that Britney Spears and her lackey-boy Osama Lufti might be planning to run off to Vegas to get married. The two love birds will be staying in Vegas for the rest of their lives. ‘Sama and Brit are looking at purchasing a spacious double-wide in the Oriental Springs trailer park. Osama will play Mr. Mom while Britney sings at the Leisure Lounge in the Tropicana. We wish them all the best!

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Dee:
A rumor has surfaced that a French producer (chemically unbalanced) wants Britney Spears to star as the Virgin Mary herself in a new satire called Sweet Baby Jesus. Britney is currently reviewing the script (making crayon doodles), as the film is slated to start in March. According to Us Weekly:

“Spears, 26, would play a pregnant 19-year-old unsure of her baby’s paternity who goes into labor on Christmas Eve in Bethlehem, Maryland, as rumors swirl that the birth is Jesus Christ’s second coming.”

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’m completely at ease with this. After all, Britney Spears playing the Virgin Mary is only slightly worse than adding plutonium to a hydrogen bomb…wait…..my dear Lord……..the woman must be stopped.

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