Derober

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Dee:
Yesterday, celebrity r-tard Britney Spears missed yet another court ordered appearance. In case anyone is counting, that is Britney’s fifth no-show to court (and counting). And not surprisingly so, Britney’s lawyers have now filed a motion to quit her legal team after her latest no show. But where was Britney Wednesday during her disposition you ask? She was out aimlessly driving around LA trying to find her sanity. Sources have told us she is still looking.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES BRITNEY A DULL GIRL. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES BRITNEY A DULL GIRL. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES BRITNEY A DULL GIRL. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES BRITNEY A DULL GIRL.
Yeah, that’s right I made a Shining reference. Britney would eat her own children if she could find em–Fact.

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Dee:
Britney Spears went shopping yesterday in a Hollywood Souvenir shop. For those of you who don’t live in LA, that doesn’t happen…ever. Only the most desperate attention seekers do such things. It gets worse. Britney is clearly heard telling the paparazzi, “She’s not pregnant.” This is the third time Britney has denied the pregnancy which puts her in the elite company of a really cool guy named Judas. Check out the video here. Either Britney has the inside scoop on a miscarriage or she is far, far removed from earth.

John:
I want somebody to ask Britney who the Vice President of the United States is! I’m serious, get the word out. I’ll bet she has no clue. I’m going to make some calls.

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Dee:
Britney Spears is firing back at K-Fed. Life and Style is reporting that Britney is accusing Federline of smoking marijuana around her two kids, Jayden and Sean-Preston. Didn’t Life and Style used to be the magazine my mother read when she needed an apple pie recipe? Anyway, Britney wants the children tested for drugs:

“Britney believes Kevin’s been smoking pot in front of the kids,” says a friend of hers. “She says she can smell it in the boys’ hair and on their clothes when she has her visitation with them.”

John:
Let me save you the test. K-Fed is smoking pot around his kids, the neighbors kids, the nanny and her kids, his chauffeur, and the chauffeur’s kid (who’s a little ‘special’). That said, this accusation will never hold water. Britney is the one with only partial visitation rights because of her documented drug use and failed drug tests. Don’t throw stones in glass houses, Brit. You’re making your children into pawns instead of making yourself a better person. The judge might test the kids, but the blame is going to fall right back on you, tubby.

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Dee:
This story keeps getting more ridiculous as the fallout from yesterday’s pregnancy announcement takes place. Jamie Lynne’s father Jamie Spears is reportedly “furious” at mother Lynne Spears for selling the exclusive pregnancy story to OK! magazine.”He put his foot down and refused to take any money and ‘profit off of his children,'” a source told Us Weekly. Though maybe he’d like to reconsider after hearing that Jamie received 1 million dollars for the story. Poppa-bear Jamie was “devastated” by the news. He’s “extremely depressed” and “feels Jamie Lynn ruined her life.” In addition to Poppa Spears’ broken heart, the worse news is that Lynne Spears’ tell-all book about parenting is being delayed. The book was slated to be released in 2008. How will I ever know how to raise a child without Lynne’s help??

Bob ‘The Bitch’ All I want to know is why in the hell would you name both of your daughters after the mother and father of the family. Can’t you see how confusing and convoluted that makes things. Furthermore, Jamie why don’t you take your balls out of your ex-wife’s purse and make a stand for once in your life. Wear the pants Jamie, wear the pants!

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Dee:
According to the new issue of OK!, Jamie Lynne Spears went on record with her mom to announce that she IS pregnant. Just one thing, she’s only 16!!! The boyfriend, Casey Aldridge, he’s 19–is that wrong? Oh Jamie, good luck with all that.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Jamie, Nickelodeon is calling…they want their contract back. Too bad, I loved Zoey 101. If you like this, check out our pregnancy pose-off!

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