Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
I have been saying it for years: Britney Spears doesn’t need professional, psychological help, she just needs a shock collar. Boom Done. Finally someone had the smarts to cage this beast -I just hope that someone has a jumpy trigger finger. Reputable sources leaked the new shock therapy system they are using on Brit:

• Britney picks up a pair of hair trimmers = 8 shocks
• Britney speaks in a British voice = 2 shocks
• Britney microwaves a Hungry Man TV dinner = 3 shocks
• Britney takes the elevator instead of the stairs = 1 shock
• Britney dates a paparazzi terrorist = 10 shocks
• Britney shows crotch = 6 shocks (if shaved) 30 shocks (not shaved)
• Britney raises her kids = 0 shocks because she can’t anyway

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John:
Is that girl her new bodyguard or some kind of ninja? The last time I saw a jaw like that it was getting punched by Rocky Balboa. That girl just looks mean, boy, like those snakes that spit in your eye and blind you before eating you whole.
Anyway, Britney Spears has been awarded overnights with her two children in a limited capacity-
Sorry, do you think she’s like a robot or cyborg sent from the future to destroy all men? I’m going to call my buddies who live near Britney on Mulholland and tell them they might want to clear out for a couple days just to be safe.

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Darby Gunpowder:
When life throws you lemons, dress up in red spandex and change your name to Mini Britney Spears. Meet Terra Jole: 4′2″ sensation hailing from munchkinland Austin TX. She sings, she dances, she brings happiness and hope to the vertically challenged everywhere. And just in case you are wondering, NO, there are no crotch-shots of Mini Spears floating around…yet. Rock on with your bad-self Mini Brit -remember to wear those panties and never let anyone tell you you’re too short to ride!!!

Check out Mini Brit’s fansite HERE

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One of these things does not belong here…

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Darby Gunpowder:
On slow gossip days, I find myself daydreaming of riding a flying unicorn through a valleys of boobs with Britney Spears back in 2001. Can life get any better? I submit that it cannot. But there is a deeper, underlying theme to this daydream: Britney Spears used to be jaw-droppping, smoking HOT!! Have we forgotten as a society days of old? Such short memories we have…
Sad really. Sad we waste all of our energy knit-picking her post-2-baby-front-butt, or her inner daemons who speak in British tongues. (No excuse for K-Fed) Lets give credit where credit is due. I declare Britney a martyr for all hot chicks who never “let themselves go”. You are a saint Britney…now lose some lbs and do Playboy already.

Remember when The Derobers visited Britney Spears house while she was in rehab? I do. HERE

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John:
Britney Spears is seen here joking with the paparazzi at some event (we’ll never be invited to because we drink draft beer). We see Britney with a rose in her mouth motioning at Julia Roberts with a rose in her mouth and the joke is, “See, I’m being like this person. I have a rose too.” You sure do, Brit. You sure do.

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