Guess who uses Paris Hilton’s ‘Bandit’ hair extensions?

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Darby Gunpowder:
Britney Spears not only endorses Paris Hilton’s Wal-Mart quality ‘Bandit’ hair extensions, she uses them too! Britney claims they are sooo easy to install,

“After finally getting the box open, you simply place the hair on the bald spots, then cover your head with a potatoe sack. Then my manager Larry Rudolph throws a rabid squirrel inside the bag and it goes crazy. The squirrel is so excited to be puttin the hair in my hair, it does all the work for you. You know it’s done, when the Hungry Man dings on the microwave. Larry uses a baseball bat to whack the squirrel dead and when we take the sack off my head it’s all finished. Just like that -brand new hair. A quick shower gets all that blood out too.”

Britney Spears weight watch

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Despite what OK magazine says about Britney Spears‘ recent rapid weight loss don’t be fooled. She still has a Buddha Belly. In this shot of Britney on the porch of her house you can clearly see the general swamp that is her stomach. Here’s a tip Britney. Put the cigarette down when you’re exercising. Despite common belief, this is a bad idea. And most importantly remember you can’t lose weight just by declaring you’ve lost it. The fat doesn’t fool that easily. And neither do we.

Britney Spears reality show. God help us all.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Reputable news source, The National Inquirer is claiming that Britney’s manager, Larry Rudolph is shopping around a reality show featuring Britney Spears in her everyday life. A shit-load of production companies are interested and are willing to pay millions for the show. I’m ashamed to say I’d watch it. I’d watch it IF they unleashed Britney into a remote jungle with nothing but the clothes on her back and rapper Ice-T. And they were hunted by wealthy white men with automatic weapons who are bored of hunting dear and quail and have a lust for human blood. Tivo Season Pass: ON.

OK! uses old photo spread for Britney’s weight loss cover

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John:
This week’s OK! Magazine cover features a photograph of Britney Spears with the headline, “Britney Lost 15 Lbs in Just 4 Weeks!” To prove this, OK! recycled a photo from Glamour’s 2003 Women of the Year issue and tried to pass it off as current. This truly exposes just how far celebrity rags are willing to go to move copies.  It’s arrogant to think they won’t get caught and presumes the American public is lazy and stupid. Sadly, Britney’s actual weight loss secret is, in fact, a time machine.

Britney Spears deserves an Emmy

Here is a worthless video snippet of Britney Spears acting in “How I Met Your Mother”.

Sweet weave Brit.