Britney Spears Bodyguard: “Make a hole!!!!”

Calmer than you are dude…

The shit-show continues. It’s official Britney cannot have a normal life in Los Angeles. She needs to get the f#*@k out before it’s too late.

Britney Spears’ pink wig lost and found

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Photo courtesy of pagesix.com.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
It had been weeks since I saw Britney Spears‘ dreaded pink rug. I did everything to pray that I never saw it again. I lit candles at St. Judes’ Church and lumberyard, I chopped the heads off of all my pink haired trolls, and I converted to Islam. And all was going well until this morning when Britney’s British bastard cousin Amy Winehouse turned up wearing the wig. And so begins 1000 years of darkness. Sorry everyone. I’ve failed you.

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According to Star Magazine, Adnan is bragging to his friends that he knocked Britney up and is set for life.

“Britney is Adnan’s dream come true. He knows that if he has a child with Brit, he’ll be made for life,” one friend of Adnan’s tells Star.”

Wow, the world’s shittiest mom is going to have another baby. That’s like allowing OJ Simpson to get married again and we all know that story ends. In other news, Britney’s parents are on the verge of suicide.

Britney doesn’t miss her kids

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Dipshit, Britney Spears has been teaching children dance classes at Millennium Dance Complex in an attempt to forget about the 2 sons she gave birth to and slightly raised/managed not to kill. Who are the star-struck parents that trust their kids with Mrs Hyde?! US Weekly writes,

“Her home has pictures of her kids everywhere.”

Well we got our hands on one (above). Kids do the darndest things!

Bryan Spears hit the jackpot

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Brit’s Dad, Jamie has the pleasure of doing Brit’s taxes, but her brother Bryan was brought in as conservator. We’re not sure what this means, nor will we do any research to shed any light on who has control of what. But we will tell you that Bryan may or may not be driving around a new Lamborghini. I think he deserves it. The poor guy has had to deal with his bat-shit crazy sister for far too long. Pick me up at 7 Bryan!