Derober

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John:
20. She’s 20 and looks like a senior citizen so it’s appropriate that she’d be walking around the streets of Miami looking for a retirement villa. Let’s face it, she’s had a shit year and has a shit family and that’s gonna wear on a person. Not to defend her, she’s a mess, but I like my glass half full.

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John:
Brooke Hogan went to the beach with her boyfriend whose name is not important to this piece. What is important is how angry the ocean gets when it has to share space with Brooke. First, the ocean is just a little annoyed…then it starts to really think about it and says, “No! F*ck this!”
And then a tree falls on Brooke’s head.

Don’t get mad at me, I just call it like i see it.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I think this is what I saw rise to the water’s surface last time I went fishing with dynamite. The mere fact that Playboy would even consider letting Brooke Hogan pose in the nude for them leads me to one of two conclusions: one, that Playboy has gotten so bored of seeing gorgeous girls in the nude that they’ve decided to shake things up with a little butter face photoshoot; or two that Hugh Hefner has literally lost the ability of sight. I doubt it’s the ladder of the two based on his three girlfriends.

I can only imagine how excited Brooke must’ve been to read Playboy’s offer. “They…they think I’m sexy. OMG this is so super-sweet, now I can tell all my classmates that I AM sexy and they will believe me because Playboy wants to shoot me. Bitchin!” Little does Brooke know that in fact, no, her classmates will not believe that she’s hot. They’ll continue to call her ‘Miss Swamp Thing,’ and throw kickballs at her head while she’s crouched in the corner.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Brooke Hogan is the epitome of Wal-Mart-Hot. She has obviously surrounded herself with ass-sucking “Yes People” which gives her a false sense if hotness. It’s probably the same people who tell Mary-Kate she’s a perfect size. For the record, this is my first and last post about Brooke Hogan because I cannot contribute to her pseudo-fame any longer.

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John:
Ooooooh, that’s his daaaaughter. Now I get it. This is disgusting. The ONLY explanation I have for this is that Hulk thought he was sticking his Hulk-hands in his daughter’s friend’s ass (on left), something he’s done before. When he realized he was rogering his own daughter, Brooke, he Hulk-puked all over the place and apologized.

Apology not accepted.