Aguilera’s boobs worth 10 points

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
Xtina and her ward, Jason Bratfart, had dinner at L’Atelier de Joel Robuchon restaurant in London last night. Christina ordered the rack of lamb and Jason had the moose knuckle. Christina is so proud of her milk puppies. She walks them like 5 times a day. Except Sunday. Sunday is the Lord’s day and the milk puppies will just have to stay inside and play with the kids.

The Christina Aguilera breast implant test

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Yep, it’s official…I don’t give a shit. Fake, real, makes no difference to me. As a general rule of thumb if I can plant half of my head in between a rack I’m happy. Like a kid in a tit-candy store. I will admit I’ve had my suspicions for the past year that Christina Aguilera did in fact get a boob job. People laugh and tell me that boobs just expand a little during the pregnancy. Ok, a little, fine. But those puppies grew like the Grinch’s heart. They mutated like a turtle in radioactive goo. Furthermore, she gave birth sometime ago now and those knockers don’t look to be going anywhere soon. C’mon X-Tina, fess up, you had breast implants put in while pregnant so you could have an excuse for why they’re so big. It’s ok, I won’t judge you. I would never frown upon a pair of tits that could suffocate a small army.

Iz you hungry baby?

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
Christina Aguilera stepped out with her kid to show the world her new post-pregnancy body. I posted a boner when I saw these. Oh, that was immature – sooo sorry. It’s like midnight here and I’ve been chasing shots of Jack Daniels with breast milk Diet Coke all night. Welcome to Derober where we chase our liquor with breast milk and diet soda. I defy you to find a bigger lot of badasses.

Gimme gimme gimme gimme!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’ll be blunt, this rack comes from an unholy place. Unzipping Christina Aguilera’s jacket is like an amusement park for grown men. It may have just taken the lead as my favorite tit-olympic sport beating out such favorites as tit-slaloming, the tit-half pipe and of course..tit-skydiving. Apparently X-tina recently went on Larry King to discuss her involvement in Rock The Vote but all I heard was, “Bob, please take your face and rock out a drum solo on my enormous tits.” To which I promptly replied to by throwing on a cape and rushing out the door. It’s a hard knocker life but somebody has to do it.

Aguilera celebration of boobage

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John:
Christina Aguilera has been suppering across LA the past couple days and she aint shy. Those things honestly look like they might pop at any moment.
You might be wondering, ‘Why Oscar the Grouch?’ It’s because Oscar the Grouch got a raw deal. You live out your life in a garbage can and see how giddy it makes you.  Oscar was a delight compared to how I’d act if I was mashed in a can. I’d probably try to find the nearest living thing and kill it. So Oscar gets the boobs today. God bless you Oscar and God bless the Children’s Television Workshop.

For all ‘Dress Diving’ episodes, click here.