Derober

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John:
Christina Aguilera stepped out with her kid to show the world her new post-pregnancy body. I posted a boner when I saw these. Oh, that was immature - sooo sorry. It’s like midnight here and I’ve been chasing shots of Jack Daniels with breast milk Diet Coke all night. Welcome to Derober where we chase our liquor with breast milk and diet soda. I defy you to find a bigger lot of badasses.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’ll be blunt, this rack comes from an unholy place. Unzipping Christina Aguilera’s jacket is like an amusement park for grown men. It may have just taken the lead as my favorite tit-olympic sport beating out such favorites as tit-slaloming, the tit-half pipe and of course..tit-skydiving. Apparently X-tina recently went on Larry King to discuss her involvement in Rock The Vote but all I heard was, “Bob, please take your face and rock out a drum solo on my enormous tits.” To which I promptly replied to by throwing on a cape and rushing out the door. It’s a hard knocker life but somebody has to do it.

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John:
Christina Aguilera has been suppering across LA the past couple days and she aint shy. Those things honestly look like they might pop at any moment.
You might be wondering, ‘Why Oscar the Grouch?’ It’s because Oscar the Grouch got a raw deal. You live out your life in a garbage can and see how giddy it makes you.  Oscar was a delight compared to how I’d act if I was mashed in a can. I’d probably try to find the nearest living thing and kill it. So Oscar gets the boobs today. God bless you Oscar and God bless the Children’s Television Workshop.

For all ‘Dress Diving’ episodes, click here.

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Photo credit: Daily Stab (thanks Kelly!)
John:
Christina Aguilera left Crown Bar in LA last night so wasted she couldn’t stand up. Derober would like everybody to know that we condone this type of behavior 100%. Christina could hav had a bad day yesterday. Who knows? Maybe she got a runner in her panty hose and just said “Eff it, I’m gonna’ get hammered drunk.”

Disclaimer: Derober does not actually condone this behavior unless you are female of a borderline age and under our constant supervision. Thank you.

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513 Doheny Road, Beverly Hills, CA
Click Here for Directions

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Christina Aguilera along with new baby Max Liron, and hubby Jordan Bratman recently moved into the infamous Osbourne homestead. Tucked away in the Hollywood Hills, it’s the perfect home to raise a family in peace and quite . No one knows where this house is, nor has anyone ever seen the interior of the house. When I think of privacy, I think of the Osbourne’s house.

Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman

Purchase Price: $11,500,100
Year Built: 1988
Square Feet: 11,571
Bedrooms: 6
Bathrooms: 10
Yearly Property Tax: $78,521.92
Hexes put on house: 48

Click Here for Directions

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