Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
Courtney Love is claiming that the ashes and locks of hair of her late hubby, Kurt Cobain, were stolen. Please take a seat for the rest of the story. No joke, the ashes were inside a PINK TEDDY BEAR BAG and the bag was stolen along with thousands of dollars worth of jewelry. Courtney had this to mumble,

“I can’t believe anyone would take Kurt’s ashes from me. I find it disgusting and right now I’m suicidal. If I don’t get them back I don’t know what I’ll do.”
The sad news will sicken the millions of Cobain and Nirvana fans worldwide.

Please note, we are not mocking or disrespecting Curt in any way shape or form. He already did that to himself when he married Public Crack Whore Number One, Courtney Love. But on a serious note, if Courtney does not get back the cremated remains of a man who did so much for his country, she might kill herself. So if you have these ashes, please do us all a favor and dump them all over Seattle from the top of the Space Needle.

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John:
This is pretty nuts. Five years ago, a group of thieves stole Kurt Cobain’s identity and obtained 188 credit cards in Cobain’s name and they were just clearing their throats. The assholes went on to purchase a 3 million dollar mansion in New Jersey. Then, they pillaged Kurt’s son’s trust fund to the tune of a reported 73 million dollars! Courtney Love noticed the fraud back in 2003 but was too strung out on drugs to stop it until yesterday. True story. She tells The Sun:

“I knew it had been going on since when I went cuckoo — bananas — in 2003.
It was fraud after fraud. But nobody believed me until now. I did a check on my deceased husband’s social security number and he has a house in New Brunswick, New Jersey. He bought it last year.
I would like to know how. He should probably get his ass back home if that is the case.”

For more on Kurt’s t-shirt, click on the thumb.

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Photo courtesy of x17online.com.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You know when it comes to using the ‘brown bag’ I just want to point out that it hurts me more than it hurts the person wearing it. I have to painfully stare at the catastrophe of a mug they call their face as I slowly photoshop that bag on them–AND IT HURTS. So celebrity, next time you’re thinking of going out looking like a troll that just took a shotgun blast to the face, Like Courtnie Love, THINK AGAIN. Lives are at stake here. My life anyways.

 

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Photo courtesy of egotastic.com

Wow, Courtney Love is just a bundle of ugliness. Derober’s only regret with this picture is that there wasn’t a bag big enough to cover her entire body. Keep doing the liposuction Courtney, the results are just as lovely the skin on a burn victim. Very natural.