The Jumper that almost was

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Do you ever think about how much different certain movies would’ve been had the studios gotten their first pick at the actor playing the lead role? Neo no longer played by Keanu, instead Will Smith. Aragon of LOTR no longer played by Viggo Mortensen, instead Daniel Day Lewis. And so on, and so on.
Hypotheticals like these keep me up nights. However, none were ever so terrifying as hearing that Jumper star Hayden Christiansen was actually slated to be played by rapper Eminem. That’s right, somewhere some asshole in a suit decided that the best person to cast for a sci-fi thriller was now fat man Eminem. Way to always keep the demographics in mind, producers. Hell, while you’re at it why don’t you just recast a couple classics just for shits. Rambo played by Burt Reynolds. Forest Gump played by Vin Diesel. Darth Vader played by Mini-Me. This line of thinking leads me to an unholy place.

Eminem has Prader Willies

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Rapper Eminem, aka Slim Shady, ain’t too slim these days. After a bout of pneumonia over the holidays, Marshall Mathers was released from a Detroit (what!) hospital and his weight has soared to over 200 L-B’s. We won’t see Eminem on Celebrity Fit Club anytime soon as he vows to get back in shape before he really lets himself go. He recently told TMZ,

“I went through a little slacking phase, but I just got back into my regimen last week. So, I eat some nachos, and drink a Mountain Dew, and then I go hit the gym ’cause I just know I F#*@ked up.”

Sounds like a solid plan dipshit -don’t worry about your cholesterol or heart disease.

P.S.
The layman’s Definition of Prader Willie Syndrome is : Continue Reading: Eminem has Prader Willies