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John:
George Clooney, who is my hero, got pretty wasted last night. This isn’t news, this is awesome. This guy is out there just giving it to the world. He’s rich, famous, single, and totally drunk. I want to freeze time. My man-crush wants to remember Cloon-dog just like this.

Did you ever look at a mascot and wonder what they might look like in real life? Derober has the answers. For the answers just roll your mouse over the photo and enjoy.

Editor’s Note: This is not where the celebrities attended college as most of them featured do not and have the education of a 2nd grader in a third world country…

Butch T. Cougar, Washington State

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Sparty the Spartan, Michigan State

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Hairy Dawg, University of Georgia

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Lil’ Red, University of Nebraska (New mascot)

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Continue Reading: Look-alikes, college mascots and celebrities

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
It’s that time of year again isn’t it ladies and gentlemen? That time of year where you clear out your pog collection and other worldly belongings in hopes of making a fresh start. That’s right, it’s house cleaning time again!! George Clooney knew that. And that’s why he kicked things off right by dumping his long time prostitute girlfriend Sarah Larson. In Touch Weekly is reporting that the couple has split up over differences in their respective backgrounds.”The truth is they had little in common and [George] just doesn’t want to be tied down,” one of Sarah’s friends tells the mag.

And I say Horaay for single men everywhere. It’s good to have an excuse for all your friends and family on why you’re over forty and not married–“because if George does it, by God so can I!” So rejoice and give praise single men. Give praise to the ultimate cock of the walk in George Clooney.

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John:
George Clooney is making a huge mistake. The man who claimed he’d never marry again is set to marry Sarah Larson in Italy…secretly. A super-celeb like Clooney trying to marry in secret is like having a full-scale fireworks display inside your garage so the neighbors won’t notice.
A source in Laglio, the town where Clooney has a villa, says: ‘They haven’t made any announcement yet, but there are people in this town who know more than me. They say the couple are already engaged.” Fare thee well, George. The cold, dark embrace of wedlock awaits.

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The Derobers have an exclusive photo of the wedding invite below!

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John:
Oscar nominated actress Jessica Alba and three-time lotto winner Cash Warren arrived at the Oscars to the hushed tones of nobody giving a shit. I swear, he’d better be hung like a mule deer.

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We finally figured out what it takes to be George Clooney’s flavor of the week.

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Words are pretty useless here. Heigl looks amazing. Her tiny husband had better also be hung like a mule deer.