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Darby Gunpowder:
Gisele Bundchen and her go-to photographer Nino Munoz shot the following set of pics for American Photo’s 30th Anniversary Issue. These photos are pretty steamy, but they could have been a notch hotter if a nude Petra Nemcova was involved. Petra is like the bacon of the modeling world -you can add her to any photoshoot and really blow the doors off the hinges.
I digress. The real story here is how well Gisele and her photographer Nino Munez work together. I can only imagine how many nip-slips Nino has encountered over the years -lucky bastard. He probably sneaks candids of Gisele while she’s preparing for shoots in the buff. Rumor has it, Nino has dedicated a secret room in his house that is covered floor to ceiling with these priceless voyeur shots. Pretty creepy, Nino…

Update: Pretty awesome, Nino…

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John:
Gisele is on Melrose Ave. today doing a photo shoot with Entourage’s Kevin Connolly (he plays E). We’re guessing it’s for a condom company because of the way she’s dressed, all sexy-like. And also because I dream of the day when I hear Gisele utter the phase, “John, get a rubber.” Oh, that’ll be the day. I know you’re thinking that’s NEVER going to happen but you haven’t seen my triceps. I repeat, you haven’t seen my triceps.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Now that football is no longer in the way for Tom Brady, he can devote his entire schedule to the Hollywood lifestyle with now breadwinner Giselle. Bring on the goats! I can see it now, Tom Brady is the next Spencer Pratt. A no talent hack who is famous for nothing. And since Brady will be doing nothing this year, he’s a prime candidate. He’ll succumb to the Remora lifestyle feeding off Giselle’s crumbs, much like Spencer feeds off Heidi’s crabs. We’ll know when the transformation is complete when Tom is seen wearing douchy Ed Hardy clothes from head to knee.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Gisele Bundchen posed semi-nude for GQ magazine again. After I got over the fact that she was wearing a pair of Tom Brady’s dirty undies, I noticed a new tattoo on her belly. Having spent much of my youth in a Vietnamese tattoo parlor in Qwason (long story), I can spot new ink from a mile away. Since my computer is better than all of yours, I was able to zoom in and get a better look at the new body art. HOLY SHIT, IT”S A MONKEY”S ASSHOLE!!! To get the rotten taste out of your eyes, be sure to click on the thumbs below for a little eye candy.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Think only actor celebrities make serious money. Well then you probably don’t have an ass like Gisele Bunchen’s. In a recent report it has been estimated that Gisele Bundchen pocketed 35 million last year alone. That’s twice as much Heidi Klum made last year and way more than lover-boy Tom Brady earned–which makes me happy. I can only imagine the day she realized she had the greatest body in the world. She probably stood in front of a mirror and said, “Jesus Gisele. You could start a holocaust with that ass. Set oceans to boil. Write a fourth Lord of the Rings book solely based on those tree trunks.” Then she had the heart to heart talk with mom where they hugged each other and discussed plans to rid the world of men.

For the fourth LOTR book of Gisele.

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