Gisele Bundchen can be my wingman anytime

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Think only actor celebrities make serious money. Well then you probably don’t have an ass like Gisele Bunchen’s. In a recent report it has been estimated that Gisele Bundchen pocketed 35 million last year alone. That’s twice as much Heidi Klum made last year and way more than lover-boy Tom Brady earned–which makes me happy. I can only imagine the day she realized she had the greatest body in the world. She probably stood in front of a mirror and said, “Jesus Gisele. You could start a holocaust with that ass. Set oceans to boil. Write a fourth Lord of the Rings book solely based on those tree trunks.” Then she had the heart to heart talk with mom where they hugged each other and discussed plans to rid the world of men.

For the fourth LOTR book of Gisele.

Want to know what the greatest job in the world is?

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Ok this man, who for the sake of comedy we’ll name Neo, gets to rub down Gisele Bundchen’s perfect ass with oil. I’m going to kill my guidance counselor. How come the ‘two-handfuls of heavenly ass rubdown’ wasn’t offered in the curriculum when I went to college. I would have been first in line. Can you imagine,

“Coach put me in, someone’s gotta tame that ass before it walks all over us.”

“Bob, c’mon you’ve been riding the bench all season long for a reason. You wouldn’t know what to do with those hose-hounds if I gift wrapped em and mounted them on the wall for you. Forget it.”

“But coach, I’ve been been waxing windows and watching Over The Top everyday for the past three months just like you told me to. I’m ready, Coach. Put me in.”

“Ok, Bob. You want a shot to slay the two-headed dragon? Be my guest.”

Thanks coach, I won’t let you down.

“God save us all”.

And that’s how a Tuesday in Ass-Patting 101 might of sounded.

If these walls could talk…

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

This weekend, Gisele showed up at the Vogue Eyewear Play Everyday Campaign. Vogue paid Giselle $20,000 to stand in front of the fake Vogue wall. It’s not actually a wall at all. (little lesson here) It’s called a step-and-repeat. It’s a backdrop with the sponsor’s logo on it. Actors take a step, pose, and repeat, like trained monkeys. I can’t make this shit up, readers.
So I paid security $20 to stand behind the ‘step’, grab Gisele’s ass, and repeat. Fun!

What’s a picture worth?

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Let me start right off with a question. How warped is our society when a single nude picture of a model can be sold for 80 grand? Really?? I can imagine the conversation now when a father explains to his son how he blew Mom’s Chemo treatment funds on a nude 8 X 12 of Gisele Bundchen. Hooray America! Land of the free indeed. While you’re at why don’t you throw in a nail gun and staple your feet into the ground of your own house because you probably don’t belong in the general population. After all, it is only a picture. Have you heard of a thing called the internet my friend? A great man once told me, “Why buy the cow when you can rape one for free?” Truer words were never spoken. And to all of you rich ass-clompers out there who would actually consider buying these ridiculous pics all I can say is shame on you! You don’t deserve to live.

And just for the record, you can buy Gisele, Kate Moss and many other classy pics at the auction this coming April 10 at Christie‚Äôs in New York. Come for the pics, stay for the veal. It’ll be well worth your time.

Below are a few things for less than the price of Gisele’s picture. Enjoy.