The Jumper that almost was

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Do you ever think about how much different certain movies would’ve been had the studios gotten their first pick at the actor playing the lead role? Neo no longer played by Keanu, instead Will Smith. Aragon of LOTR no longer played by Viggo Mortensen, instead Daniel Day Lewis. And so on, and so on.
Hypotheticals like these keep me up nights. However, none were ever so terrifying as hearing that Jumper star Hayden Christiansen was actually slated to be played by rapper Eminem. That’s right, somewhere some asshole in a suit decided that the best person to cast for a sci-fi thriller was now fat man Eminem. Way to always keep the demographics in mind, producers. Hell, while you’re at it why don’t you just recast a couple classics just for shits. Rambo played by Burt Reynolds. Forest Gump played by Vin Diesel. Darth Vader played by Mini-Me. This line of thinking leads me to an unholy place.

I wish Rachel Bilson wasn’t a liar

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Nice try Rachel, we all know you are being paid by Hayden to tell the world that he is a good kisser. In a recent interview, my future wife (Rachel Bilson) gushed about her Jumper co-star, Hayden Christensen,

“To all the ladies who I’m sure would like to know,” Rachel said, smirking. “He was a good kisser!”

Lies. Lies. Lies.

Yes, this is Natalie Portman

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Photo courtesy of natalieportman.com

John Says:
(By the way, more there’s more Natalie below this pic. Keep scrolling). Natalie Portman makes an appearance as a presenter at the Cinematheque awards. The name alone implies a snobbery I just can’t imagine. If you like what she’s wearing, hit up Natalie’s fan site for everything Portman. Recently, Natalie also spoke at USC on behalf of the Foundation for International Community Assistance, a group which gives loans to people in Impoverished countries. A crowd of 1,200 gathered to hear the humanitarian discuss FICA’s microfinance program. My spell check says microfinance isn’t even a word, much less a topic of discussion. But cheers to you, Nat. See more Natalie on Derober’s home page.

Leo Says:
I don’t raise my glass for purple. Yes, she looks good. Emperor Palpatine would be pleased. But let’s not go throwing wings n’ things around here, bro. Remember, she will always have one point deducted for making out with Hayden Christensen. This one point will haunt her but you can’t take it back. Wings but no halo.

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Photo courtesy of natalieportman.com

Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
Leo, you can’t even hold Hayden against Natalie anymore. She ‘took care’ of him. At the LA premiere of The Darjeeling Limited, Natalie Portman looked f-ing gorgeous in red. However, when ex-co-star Hayden “I can’t act” Christensen decided to crash the party, Portman took matters into her own hands. The Sith Goddess struck down Christensen and did every Star Wars fan a favor by ridding the world of the one actor capable of making Darth Vader look like a wussy. You are my muse Natalie Portman. And to any of you Natalie naysayers out there, I swear if you stare at this photo long enough you WILL fall in love with Portman. Go ahead, try it.