Hayden Panettiere likes to ‘practice-kiss’ on girls

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
If you’re like me you sit around in your PJs all day trying to unlock the rubik’s cube that is Hayden Panettiere. You ask questions like ,”How do I get closer to Hayden?,” “does Hayden like men with beer bellies and no IRA account?,” And “will Hayden guzzle down a gallon of Drano if I ask her to?” These are the questions that matter. And I’m proud to say I’ve at least unlocked the secret to a hardcore make-out session with Hayden Panettiere. It goes something like this–be a girl. Or at least trick her into believing you are one. According to Hayden herself she loved to make-out with girls when she was growing up in order to hone in on her skills. Hayden explains,

It’s great to be single. It’s great to have boyfriends. Or girlfriends. There are occasions when you kiss your best friend growing up, having fun and goofing about. Like perfecting your technique!”

Hayden forgot to mention social outcasts like me that never get girlfriends and have to learn vicariously through other people…on the internet. It’s almost as good as the real thing. You know like riding a bike and imagining it’s a Ferrari.

God, I hate my life.

Hayden Panettiere is all growed up

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John:
For those of you who don’t know what it’s like to ride a Limited Edition My Little Pony Starflower into the cleavage of an 18 year old on a magical rainbow, I have some advice: Get a hooker, it’s probably never gonna’ happen.
Hayden is on the set of her new film, I Love You Beth Cooper. I’m going to see this movie. It’ll probably be a little plot-heavy with lots of twists and turns. Surely, I’ll keep up.

For all Derober ‘Dress Diving’ episodes, click here!

UPDATE: FHM’s ‘Sexiest Women in the World’  was just leaked to Derober. Hayden makes the cut here.

Hayden Panettiere to move in with Milo Ventimiglia

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Hero’s stars Hayden Panettiere and Milo Vetimiglia are apparently moving in together says In Touch magazine. According to the mag, Hayden just went house shopping last weekend and Milo wants to take things to the next level–ie. In Touch wants to sell more magazines. And I guess I should be mad that a 30 year old man is dating an 18 year old barbie doll like Hayden. But three things keep me level-headed: 1) It’s probably not true; 2) I would do the same thing if I was 60, so kudos to Milo; and 3) if the rumor is true then unlike Milo, I won’t have to be on house arrest every day with Hollywood’s most famous female teenager. So eat your heart out Milo.

God I’m depressed

Who Wore it Best? Hay Hay or Eva?

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Hayden and Milo are dating?! What ever gave it away?

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Dee:
This just in, according to People Magazine Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia are dating. This also just in, the sky is blue. It’s funny because people had their heads buried so far up their asses they couldn’t tell if the sky was actually blue or a muddy-brown color. However, thanks to People magazine it has been confirmed that the sky is in fact blue. Thanks People magazine, what would we ever do without you??

Bob ‘The Bitch’
In a related story the people at Derober have just discovered that Dee is being sarcastic. Yep…it’s sarcasm.