Heidi and Spencer just got married…not on my watch

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Looks like Derober’s favorite special Olympic couple just got hitched. And how adorable do they look, huh? Like watching two monkeys jack off at the zoo while you slowly peel a banana in front of them. Apparently, ‘The Hills’ stars decided to elope in Mexico over the weekend. And why am I not surprised. Two piles of genetic waist decided that the most fitting place to get married was in the world’s finest waist basket. F#ck off, Paris! No one wants your romantic propaganda when they can get married in a geographical outhouse for free. So kudos to Heidi and Spencer. Now if you don’t mind I’m going to cut off my left ear and down a bottle of Jack and qualudes.

So Just How Many Times Have We Killed Heidi and Spencer?

Last Night, the Derobers sat around drinking Evan Williams and throwing hatchets at Bob ‘the Bitch’. Just as Leo struck a glancing blow on Bob’s knee cap, he turned and said, “I wonder how many times we’ve killed Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt since we started Derober?” We’re about to find out…

It all started over a year ago when we saw Heidi and Spencer having a good time together. We hate when they have fun. It just seemed so natural to have them walking with death. It felt good.

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We kept flirting with the idea…

Then one day it happened. Darby was tired of waiting. The following little diddy was titled, “God I Hate You”

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After that, there was no turning back. We made Heidi and Spencer our own little Kenny from South Park…

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Then things just sorta’ spun out of control…

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We hoped you enjoyed Spencer and Heidi Die as much as we enjoyed killing them. Happy Halloween!
-The Derobers

Heidi and Spencer went up the hill…with a gun

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~ Heidi just wouldn’t shut up… and Spencer had to drink his rifle~

Darby Gunpowder:
Heidi and Spencer’s latest attempt at attention got my attention and boiled my blood. These ass wipes climbed up a Hollywood hill wielding a shotgun, a six-pack of the diesel, and the book, “You can profit in a monetary crisis.” This entire scenario reminds of a poem by The Diceman himself,

“Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter -Jill came down with two-fifty. What a f@#*kin whore.”

Oooooohhhhhhhhhhhh! Snap!

Portrait fails to capture essence of Heidi and Spencer

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John:
Heidi and Spencer are not immortalized on the walls of Wofgang Pucks Beverly Hills restaurant, ‘The Cut.’ I swear you’d lose business if those photos were on the walls of a 7-Eleven. I used to eat at the cut every day. I’d get the Tomato Gnocci Broiche with bolognese. True story.
Now I’m taking my business to Jack In the Box where they have some self respect.

World’s longest legs meets world’s shortest man. Plus, worlds smallest brain meets world’s largest ego/clownshoes.

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Darby Gunpowder:
The carny world is a small world with big dreams. It’s a fact that most carnies end their special lives with suicide, usually by feeding themselves to the 2-headed python, or by jumping off the moving train over a stone quarry. The outcasts of society. Which is why Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were the first people to come to mind when I saw this freak of nature combo. So if the “I’m famous for no reason” gig ever dries up, these two assbags can hit the road with Ringling Brothers freak show and if all goes well they will meet Britney, the 2-headed python.
Check out the video of the little man and the long stems after the jump. Homeboy looks up her skirt -smooth move mini me!
Continue Reading: World’s longest legs meets world’s shortest man. Plus, worlds smallest brain meets world’s largest ego/clownshoes.