Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Hey everybody, don’t look now but Hilary Duff will take your father out for a nice seafood dinner and NEVER CALL HIM AGAIN. That’s right, she’s an adult now. And just to bury the hatchet on this little tid-bit Hilary decided to sex it up in the newest issue of Maxim magazine. The pics are sort of hot if you don’t have access to internet porn or if you live in the hills somewhere. I say lets dispense with this Sesame street cleavage bull-sh@$ and go straight to the theatre of the absurd. You know, the kind where you’d catch Hilary jamming a fruit basket up her vagina while taking a bucket of urine to the face. And if that doesn’t get you off then you’re NO friend of mine.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You thought you could get away with it, Hilary. You thought I’d just let it slide. But you made a fatal mistake, Hilary. You bought coffee from Starbucks. You bitch. That is the highest form of corporate whoring. The summit of selling out. A cornucopia of commercial excrement. Let this be a lesson now and forever that I DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH STARBUCKS CONSUMERS.

For more on the corporate slut.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Alright, I know Hilary doesn’t like me spying on her. But it’s only been 3 weeks and she’s already swapping tongues with some jock hockey player. John what’s the douchebag’s name again??

Let it go, Bob

NAME!!!

Mike Comrie, psycho.

Mike. I’ve lost my Hilary to a guy named ‘Mike’. F#%^ing typical!. The mutant also happens to be seven years her senior, so sweet. And based on the photos being taken this morning it looks like the ass-clomping clown slept over at Hilary’s last night. Hil-dog, I know you miss me. We’ve all made mistakes and I forgive you. Come back to me and it will be like it never happened. I miss our paper origami ice-cream sessions. Please…I’ve had the same clothing on for three weeks. I need you back.

Disclaimer:
The content of this rant is one of fabrication. It is not to be taken as a legitimate news source.

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John:
What are those? Is the tribal council making you wear those things as some sort of punishment? You’re getting on a plane, Hil? Did you supersize the dream catchers so you don’t crash? Perhaps those are normal-size earrings and the witch doctor shrunk you after hearing you sing? Really, we want to know. What’s the deal?

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Dee:
2004 was a good year. I bought my first pair of Uggs and Cinderella Story was my guilty pleasure. Hilary actually walked the red carpet in pink All-Stars (did not purchase those). Which Hilary is your fav?

John:
I remember 2004. I hooked up with a girl wearing Uggs. Cinderella story was in my garbage can.

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