Raise your hand if you’re an idiot

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Hip hop ex- huster Jay-Z and Beyonce have finally tied the knot. The ultra-private ceremony included all the Knowles, the Destiny’s Children and Gwyneth & Chris Martin. This weekend marked the end of an era for Jay-Z and all the fans who believed his teachings about the opposite sex. We leave you now with some quotes from Jay-Z songs ‘eternal’ pimpin’ days. You deceived us all, Jay, and I’ll never forgive you.

“You know I love ’em and leave ’em ’cause I don’t f*ckin’ need ’em” – Big Pimpin’

“I got 99 problems but the bitch ‘aint one” – 99 Problems

“I might bark your ex, and spit at the locks” – It’s Like That

“Life’s short, so play hard and stick hard
and the only time you love em is when your dick hard”- Cashmere Thoughts

“Tryin to find a little hon for some one-night love” 2 Many Hoes

“I get that butter all night
And if you free tomorrow night we can meet and discuss price” – 1-900-Hustler

Jay-Z and Beyonce Future Wedding Photo

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Darby Gunpowder:
Derober has an exclusive photo from Jay-Z and Beyonce’s wedding in the future. We’re that good. The couple of five years finally wanted to consummate their marriage with sex, so they hit up a court house in Scarsdale, NY and made their mark in ink.
According to WWTDD,

The pair reportedly got the license yesterday morning, which means the earliest they could get hitched is Wednesday. Otherwise, it’s good for 60 days anywhere in New York State.
A spokeswoman for BeyoncĂ© refused to comment, and Jay-Z’s rep couldn’t be reached.

This has the potential for a late April Fools joke, but in order for the power couple to pull one over on us, we would have to give a shit in the first place.

Did Beyonce and Jay-Z tie the knot?

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MediaTakeOut is reporting that Beyonce and Jay-Z secretly tied the knot a week ago and Page Six is backing it. Last week Jay-Z and Beyonce were married in a small private ceremony in Paris, France. According to their source, who is an EXTREMELY close family member of Beyonce’s, the couple chose, instead of exchanging rings, to tattoo a personal inscription on each of their ring fingers. In this case, the Roman Numeral IV. Wow!

My dad used to say, “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.” A lot of people don’t know this, but I was supposed to marry Beyonce. She was my destiny. We were going to have a child. It would have been an important child, a child of destiny if you will. I was going to pay her telephone bills as well as her automo-bills. Disappointed. Yes, that’s the word.

Jay-Z parties like hip-hop star in Atlanta Club

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Jay-Z, Young Jeezy and Jermaine Dupri attend a party hosted by Jay-Z in Atlanta. According to one of our spies:

Jay was signing autographs and pouring champaign. At one point walked up on my boy, handed him a $20, and said “Get a drink. No empty hands tonight, son.”

Jay is promoting his new album, “American Gangster,” which is “inspired” by the movie. An industry insider says,

“He is scrambling – the first single, ‘Blue Magic,’ isn’t being played on radio. It’s the first time in his career he’s not doing well.”

We say, F that. Give ’em the wood, Jay. You have the gift and the platinum records to back it up. Our white asses will continue to dance awkwardly to your music until you stop making it.