Derober

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John:
Jennifer Aniston posed nude for the cover of GQ maqazine. What a pro, in every sense of the word. I mean, this chick is 67 years old and looks 18. I’m typing this whole post with my feet becasue my hands are busy right now…applauding. Well done Jen, well done.

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John:
It’s sure is cold in November. Jennifer Anison released a calendar for reasons I cannot fathom. The irony is that photo is the only good one in the bunch. I refuse to even put them in our gallery they are so bad. Click here for proof if you don’t believe me.
Basically, I’m saying you should order the calendar and make every month November. Do that, and you’re gonna get your money’s worth.

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Act 1: John leaves, “I had to go get all the hot young ass I could.”

Act II: John returns to marry his bride and plant his seed, a ‘pump n’ dump’

John:
John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are engaged. Reports say that Jen issued a marriage ultimatum upon his return. So says The Star,

just a week after Jen and John Mayer reignited their romance, Jen made her move and asked him to marry her!
After a barrage of romantic e-mails from him, “she said that she’d only take him back if they got married, and he agreed,” says a source. “They both know this is it. She wants to settle down, and finally, so does he. They’ve even talked about having a family, and John said that he couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone but her.”

We all know how the 3rd Act ends, kids. Aniston makes a baby. They name him Damien, the spawn of Satan. Damien runs a chain of Dunkin’ Donuts on the Lower East side of Manhattan unit he is called to lead an army of deamons against Jesus and Orthodox Socialists. Jesus and Damien call a truce after 100 years of bloodshed after both Jesus and Damien agree that Damien’s father, John Mayer, is a total douchebag.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Jennifer Aniston may not be the specimen she was during her Friends years but she’s still got what it takes set your cock ablaze. And if you’re wondering whether or not that was a play on words just there, I’m not sure myself. All I know is that Jen is back with a full boat–tits over asses. Just like I like it. I bet you for the first time since their breakup Brad Pitt is actually questioning whether he’d rather be with Jennifer or the post pregnant misses at home. I mean don’t get me wrong, I doubt Brad is reeling too much. There’s always option C: bang every hot bitch in the free world and then buy your wife a bigger ring. But still, in between shitting and drinking his morning coffee today Brad must’ve given some thought to how much he missed tattooing Jennifer’s lovely ass. Either or the gloves are off. Jennifer would like all those people who think she’s dried up to go f#ck themselves.

And you know what, Jen, I intend to shortly.