Derober

Darby Gunpowder:
Welcome to “The Perfect Celebrity” brought to you by Adobe Photoshop!!! Ever wonder what would happen if you could slice up the world’s hottest celebs and reassemble their best features into a super-hybrid, perfect celebrity? Before rolling your mouse over the photos, try and guess what celebrity’s body parts were used to create the surprisingly disappointing “perfect” celebrities.

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~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

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John:
John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston continue their Miami PDA fest. Sadly, it’s come time for me to admit that John Mayer has more game than Parker Bros. Darby, Bob ‘the Bitch’ and I actually called an emergency Derober house summit last night about this. Once ‘the Bitch’ returned from 7-Eleven with my Sour Patch Kids, we summited.
The Conclusion:
John Mayer’s music makes deaf babies cry. However, banging Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly, and Jennifer Aniston is sex’s Triple Crown. John has taken them all down and for that we must give him the respect he deserves. The Derobers have no other choice but to illegally download his albums and celebrate his entire collection.

John recently went ‘Dress Diving’ in Aniston’s fun bags here.

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John:
Generally, when somebody is riding a magical flying seahorse toward your cleavage, you take notice. However, Aniston was just too busy enjoying the pool boys to care. Don’t get me wrong, we’re grateful that Aniston rocks the bikini. She could be like Katie Holmes who is apparently no longer allowed to wear dresses above her ankles, such is tradition in the Mennonite/Xenu culture.

So I guess what I’m driving at is a thank you here. Thanks for hottin’ up my Monday, Jen. Check’s in the mail.

For all Derober Dress Diving episoded, click here.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Well despite my best efforts John Mayer has managed to hook up with another knock-out. According to In Touch magazine, John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are inseparable. John flew in to Miami just this past weekend to visit Jen at her $3,000 a night presidential suite at the Mandarin Oriental. For the record John was checked in at the Four Seasons, but spent nearly all his time with Jen. And when asked about his weekend fling with Jennifer in Miami John smiled and said, “My weekend was good.”

Well played John. You bagged one hell of a cougar. Looks like your secret is safe for a little bit longer.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Darby Gunpowder:
Something weird happened to me today…someone sent me a photo of Jennifer Aniston in a bikini, but I couldn’t find Jennifer Aniston. The photo was clearly labeled: Jennifer-Aniston-in-white-bikini-spread-eagle. All I could see was this girl lying out wearing a blue and white striped bikini, but I don’t think it’s Jen. Go ahead, give it a shot -try your best to find Jennifer Aniston in this photo. If you can find her, please circle her and email me with the phone number of the girl in the striped bikini.

In completely unrelated news, some badass artist created a real life version of Jessica Rabbit…and she’s smokin hot. Click here to check out the pic. Great tits.