Jessica Biel’s new movie is about her nipples

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By the look of this shot here, Jessica Biel’s new movie is a flaming bag of poo. This film looks like Casablanca if Casablanca had an abortion. One of those self-indlulgent period pieces that actors take to show off their acting chops. Instead, it’s so bad that the wardrobe department giving Biel ‘nipping duds’ for their own amusement.

We’ve put together some of Biel’s best nipping moments below. Enjoy Responsibly!

I’m not taking my hands off Jessica Biel’s tits, end of story

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Jessica Biel’s boobs are as firm as they were when she was 17. Yes, I’ve been groping her for a long time now. Jessica made an appearance at the Rome International Film Festival yesterday to promote some movie that I’ll probably go see and not tell anybody about.
In my head I just went over a list of things I wouldn’t do to this lil’ vixen and I’m staring at a blank piece of paper. Check that. I had one thing but I crossed it off,

Threesome with a shark

Jessica Biel is worth stalking

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This just in, Jessica Biel may be engaged..and pregnant…..and addicted to pain killers and Nazi My Little Pony pictures. Alright, maybe I embellished a c-hair with the whole pain killer/my little pony forum. But the other two tit tid-bits may be true according to The Sun. The story goes that Justin Timberlake may have proposed to Biel because he found out that she was harboring a terrorist baby in her whom. The Sun report adds,

He will soon be proposing and has already started looking at potential wedding venues — or in his case, islands. The two have been dating since January last year and rumors are rife they may already be planning a family.

One source said Jessica has not been drinking recently, sparking pregnancy rumors. They added: “Justin is 27 and thinking about marriage and kids. For the first time in his life he is feeling settled and has definitely decided to pop the question to Jessica.”

Great. Just great. Now what am I going to do with this stack of nude photos of myself riding a My Little Pony?? I had everything riding on those photos attracting you into my arms.

Seriously, I sold my car to buy that life size My Little Pony doll. Jessica, you owe me.

Photos of Pocahontas make me sad.

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Disney’s has hired Jessica Biel to be the model for their new theme park ad campaign. Interestingly enough, Jessica claims to be about 9 1/2 percent Native American Choctaw. I’m about 9 1/2 percent bored off my ass with this stupid photo.
Just an historical clarification here but… wasn’t Pocahontas naked most of the time? At least topless? If any 17th Century paparazzi have a Pocahontas upskirt or possibly a nipple slip photo, please contact Derober at

Product placement these days…

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Photo courtesy of

Jessica Biel loses interest in Justin Timberlake after reportedly hooking up with Ronald McDonald in a posh LA nightclub. Jessica neglected to comment, however, here at Derober, the phrase ‘sleeping your way to the top’ popped into our minds. But who better to do it with than the Mac himself.