John Mayer is helpless and confused.

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John Mayer has been blogging again. He over-shares on his blog:

I do not wish to have you (Jessica Simpson) in my life anymore. I don’t know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I’m done trying.
I hope this is enough closure for you.

P.S. If you need me, you know how to find me.


I’m not really done trying. You still have my number so call me at your earliest convenience. Move on but think of me when you do. Get closure. Whore. You filthy whore I still love. Goodbye. Call me. I hope you kept me in your T-Mobile Faves. I’m still paying for those minutes. Nobody told me I was roaming in Mexico. Send money. Move on.

Paris gets shot down by John Mayer

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Dee: Has anyone noticed that Paris Hilton DIDN’T get laid at the Grammy’s the other night. According to, Paris tried her damndest to hook up with uber-guitar-hottie John Mayer, but to no avail. Pagesix reports Paris,

“aggressively tried to hook up with John Mayer – following him around and dancing, trying to get him to look at her…at one point, she sat at a table and tapped on the seat to motion him to sit next to her. John politely sat for less than a second before ignoring her and moving to chat with a group of friends.”    

John, let me be the first to say your music…ehhh…never hit home with me. BUT after publicly making Paris Hilton your bitch I will stand in line and vote Mayer for President in the upcoming election. Congrats for being the first public Paris denial of the new year. Hopefully the first of many. 

Bob ‘The Bitch’: Yes, this is all well and good but more importantly has anyone seen my toothbrush?? I left it out last night and I swear, Derober John, if you used it…I mean, come the F@#% on! That’s not cool, and it certainly isn’t hygienic. For the last time, my brush is always the one on the far left! Stay away from the brush on the far left!! Now I have to make a run to the store. Oh yeah, and horaay John Mayer. Probably never has his toothbrush stolen.

Guess the celebrity…Hint: It’s not Borat.

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I’ll give you all another hint, his name rhymes with John Mayer.

John Mayer does bad Christmas dance.

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Photo courtesy of popsugar.

Johnny-boy is in the holiday spirit. He danced all the way to the subway after a long evening at the Waverly in NYC. I love John. His energy is infectious!

He is infected, that much is true. As everybody knows, I had a girlfriend long ago leave me for 5 men, all of whom took her to John Mayer concerts. The salt will never leave the wound in the gaping hole where my heart used to be.

John Mayer lets gimp out. Goes for walk

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Photo courtesy of
Derober’s John is itching to comment. Before he does, let me say that we all know John Mayer is strait and having some fun with the paps on his way to Butter in NY.

Somewhere, thousands of young girls in John Mayer’s fan club are feeling betrayed. They are tearing their old ticket stubs out of their journals and throwing them away. I always knew this guy was queer as a football bat. Not that there is anything wrong with that. My roommate is a football bat. But his addiction to young Philipino boys is finally rearing its ugly head. Have a good cry, girls. Get it all out.