I would take a bite out of Kate Beckinsale.

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Darby Gunpowder:
35 year-young Kate Beckinsale was on vacation in Cabo this past weekend and she looked like a delicious creamsicle. I want to eat her. Literally, I would do it. Call me crazy, but I would dig in to that ass like Sally Struthers. She would be my breakfast, lunch, dinner, 4th meal (registered trademark TacoBell, all rights reserved) and desert. I would serve a life sentence for eating Kate Beckinsale. I would do it. Tell me I wouldn’t. The little people in my head can’t have any though. They can watch, but they can’t share in my Kate Beckinsale smorgasbord.

Update: I would do it.

Kate Beckinsale has body double for new film

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Kate Beckinsale has never liked her ass. So much so that a body double has been hired for $2,000 a day to stunt ass for Kate on her new film Whiteout. I dunno’ about you but $2,000 doesn’t seem like enough money to expose one’s ass to millions of people. Sure, I do it for free when I’m riding in the back of my buddie’s truck. But this is a movie, not the Inglewood Dairy Queen. I’m just saying, somebody got screwed…in the ass.

Kate Beckinsale talks filthy

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My future wife, Kate Beckinsale goes into depth about her our baby-maker in an interview with Allure magazine,

“I’ve only ever had about three boyfriends. Only a handful of people have seen into the Pharaoh’s Tomb!”

(I gave it that nickname) The interview took a buck-nasty turn when asked about “best physical asset” in which she gushed,

“My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I’m told it is spectacular. But you can’t really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?”

I’m going to write my wedding vows now, excuse me.