Oscar coverage, the afterbirth

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John:
Oscar nominated actress Jessica Alba and three-time lotto winner Cash Warren arrived at the Oscars to the hushed tones of nobody giving a shit. I swear, he’d better be hung like a mule deer.

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We finally figured out what it takes to be George Clooney’s flavor of the week.

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Words are pretty useless here. Heigl looks amazing. Her tiny husband had better also be hung like a mule deer.

What does Katherine Heigl really look like?

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Dee:

We were told that, during this shoot, Katherine did more smoking than shooting. She’d slip out the back door with her little dog and Hoover up another fag… That came out wrong.

John:
I don’t care if Katherine uses my belly button for an ashtray. If you’re looking to spark an anti-smoking crusade, Dee, use present-day Elizabeth Taylor or something. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to run to the gas station. A sexy young wildcat just told me all the Kool kids smoke.

Katherine Heigl has an addiction

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Photo courtesy of buzzfoto.com.

Dee:
Knocked-Up star Katherine Heigl and her interior decorator trolled the streets for floor tiles for Katherine‚Äôs new home. But we couldn’t help and think, could this be a little paid PR for diet coke?? I don’t know, but the photo looks a tad bit staged.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
It’s like my Grand Pappy Winston always used to tell me, “When the funds are up…whore yourself out to as many people who’ll take ya”. These words have been seared into my soul. Thanks Pappy, you’re an inspiration to us all.