Oh God! Put it out! Put it out!

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John:
Katie Holmes is the new spokes person for Miu Miu and apparently that’s a big name in fashion, not just an oversized fat-people blouse. And high art is now considered to be somebody putting their hand in a fire. I just convinced my roommate to put his hand on our hot stove and took some pictures. I’m not sure if it’s art worthy, but it sure was funny to see him suffer.

Guess the handsome gay couple

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Darby Gunpowder:
Tom Cruise is trying to clone himself using his wife’s body. This is a rare symptom of Napoleon’s syndrome, but it’s apparent the morphing process has already started. Katie’s once magnificent breasts (if you’ve seen ‘The Gift’) are shrinking, her hair won’t grow any longer, and she is wearing Tom’s suits -altered of course. We asked ‘MD to the stars’ Dr Saul Rosenburgerstienfeld for his professional take on the matter,

“In all my years, I have only seen this once before, when Michael Jackson attempted the body metamorphism on his chimp, Bubbles. He tried to convert the primate into a 7 year old boy. He almost succeeded until Bubbles suddenly died of an acute sinus infection in the groin area.”

Thanks doc. Maybe you should seek help yourself.

Here’s mini-Tommy and full-size Tommy leaving a Hermes party in NYC last night.

Attempted kidnapping of Suri Cruise

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Darby Gunpowder:
Suri and her gypsy mother, Katie, were chased down a Brentwood street by aliens. There is no evidence to back this up, but they started running like they were on fire for no reason at all. My best educated guess is Xenu sent 2 aliens back in time to kidnap Katie and Suri for a one gazillion Fladalions (= $3,043,000,000,000 US dollars) ransom. Katie’s tubby Galactic Confederacy soldiers (bodyguards) couldn’t even keep up. I hope they escaped the clutches of Xenu this week!!

Update: There was no attempted kidnapping of Katie and Suri Cruise. However the photos of Suri smiling and running do temporarily disprove her being a robot. That is, until we find out there is a more advanced version of the T-2000.

Katie Holmes should take photoshop into account when she gets dressed in the morning…and her Broadway show is picketed

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Darby Gunpowder:
I spy…a salami nipple! Some days I want to make love to Photoshop. There are certain lighting techniques you can apply to photos to reveal hidden objects on photos. I have a nasty habit of trying them on pretty much every photo I get and once in a blue moon -Eureka! A Nipple! I did not photoshop the silver dollar into the above photo, I merely tweaked the light settings on the original photo.
Aside from Katie’s pancake apearance, the internet group/Scientologist haters, Anonymous picketed the opening of her Broadway show, All My Sons. According to US Weekly,

The group was wearing masks and shouted, “We are not boycotting Katie, we are not boycotting the play, we are protesting Scientology. It is evil. Scientology kills people. It follows you home at night. It is perverted.”
A spokesperson for Anonymous spoke to Us recently about the planned action. “We are going to be there not only in protest of The Church of Scientology,” a member of the group told Us, “we would love to see Katie Holmes get away from this evil cult before it’s to late.”

Dr. Drew: Addicted Celebs Need More Time in Rehab

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Darby Gunpowder:
Thanks Doc. I also heard that water is wet, there is an oil crisis, Florida is bat-shit crazy, and the Jonas Brothers are NOT virgins. Looking very smart, confident and matter-of-fact, Dr Drew has this to say about celebrity addictions (source),

“Today, in the celebrity world, we’re seeing an addiction epidemic,” Pinsky said, adding that the disease of addiction is more deadly than cancer.
“If you had cancer, you would drop everything,” he says. “You would take whatever time it needed to do the treatment and do what it takes to get out on the other side. Here’s a disease that is more dangerous, and we can’t get people to take three months.”
“I don’t like treating celebrities,” he said. “It’s not a group I would seek out of a population I would necessarily treat as a separate goal because they’re very, very difficult.”

In honor of Dr Phil’s Drew’s celebrity service announcement, we decided to show you just how dangerous drugs are. Lets take a walk down “What If” lane and see what your favorite celebrities would look like just after detonating their Meth labs.

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