Is that Katie Holmes?

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Dee:
Wait, no. That’s the crack of my ass. Honestly, I think the girl is beautiful. But we at Derober have little tolerance for Katie or her parade of Scientology handlers. Katie was supposed to host The View to promote her new film Mad Money but dropped out at the very last second.

John:
We have a really easy scale of rating women at Derober. For example, on a scale of 1 to 10, let’s say you’re a 9 1/2. Now, if you’re a Scientologist, just subtract eight million points. Easy, huh?
Holy Shit! This just in. A Tom Cruise Scientology video has just been smuggled into Gawker. The Scientologists are threatening to sue if Gawker doesn’t remove the video and Gawker is refusing! Tom openly discusses Scientology in the video and comes off like a mad man. CLICK HERE TO WATCH THIS MUTHERF%*#ING VIDEO!

Is Katie Holmes contractually obligated to Tom Cruise??

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Dee:
US magazine has just reported that the author of the new book Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography has released some startling information regarding Tom Cruise and wife, Katie Holmes. According to author Andrew Morton, prior to marriage Katie Holmes signed a contract to commit to scientology and her father brokered an elaborate high-paying pre-nup. What kind of pre-nup? According to Morton, for every year Katie Holmes stays married to Tom she will make 3 million dollars. But this comes at the price of letting Scientologists have, “full control over her life,” claims Morton. I don’t know if this is true or not, but if it is then it proves my theory that there is no point attending college when you can start your own religion. Seriously, all it takes is one rich asshole like Tom to believe in you and you’re set for life. Just sayin’.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I formed a religion once, but every time I turned the lights back on the ladies were nowhere to be found. My clown suit hasn’t been used since. Another reminder of my failed childhood.

Tom likes his women like he likes his coffee: Gay

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Photo courtesy of instyle.com.


Dee:
January’s In Style magazine has an interview with Katie Holmes that just makes you laugh. Katie says:

Tom’s Fashion Turn-On
“[He] likes me in a suit and a mini every now and then. I like it when he likes it. It makes me blush. He’ll say, ‘You look good. I hope security’s going with you.’ Now that gives me attitude.”

John:
Katie, pretty soon Tom is going to ask you to get a tattoo with an anchor or barbed wire on it. After you get one he’s going to say, “Hey, you know what would look great with that barbed wire tatoo? A penis.”

Who Wore it Best?

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What Do Scientologists and Mormons Have in Common?

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Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
Wife Swappin bitches! You know, when Scientologists aren’t worshiping aliens or jumping on couches they like to spice up their love life just like any other human being. Take Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (SNOOZE FEST), and now insert Victoria Beckham in the place of Katie and you got one sexy tea-party. I mean look at this…it almost looks like it’s meant to be.

Leo says:
Gee, that’s a terrific idea Bob. Just one thing. You’re a retard! Tom Cruise is crazy, and if you combine the antics of Victoria Beckham you’ve got one awful and corrosive combination. That wouldn’t be a fun combination. All that would happen is they would fight and bicker keeping all of LA up late at night. You need Katie Holmes, boring as she may be, to help be a steady equalizer in Tom’s life.