Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
Everyone loves a little sugar on Halloween so Keeley Hazel decided to provide some eye candy. I can only dream that she hands out mini snickers bars topless. I love Halloween…and boobs.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Keeley Hazell is a hurricane of sexual prowess. She walks into an S&M store and says, “I’ll take me.” If she were an island it would probably lactate milk. Sometimes when I see her topless I swear I see the Virgin Mary in her nipples. She is my wife, my muse, my one and only. She will be mine or I will die trying.

Odds are I’ll die trying.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
My great Grand Pappy Leanord once told me that tits are the ultimate gateway drug. Because once you’ve seen a pair you’re going to crave for more every second of every day for the rest of your life. It’s a sound theory. And it is with this in mind that makes me think the people at Nuts Magazine are geniuses. They know Keeley Hazell has the greatest rack in the world, and so they respond by giving people the chance to quell their boob addiction with multiple topless shoots of her every week. Brilliant. Einstein’s ‘E=MC squared’ eat your heart out. There’s a new formula in town. And it goes by the name of ‘Keeley Hazell’s tit-tastic mammories’. The notable difference is Keeley’s tits defy gravity.

For more of Keeley’s awesome boobage, click here.
TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE: Angelina Jolie’s baby pics are about to be sold for 15 million here.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Just when I thought Keeley Hazell couldn’t be any hotter she goes and does something like this. I won’t lie, Keeley is making a run at being my future wife with every topless photo she takes. And I’m sure that’s a privilege. In this photo shoot for Zoo Weekly, Keeley got a bit frisky. She kept whispering sweet nothings into my ear like, “cup ‘em harder, men in masks turn me on,” and “I like the smell of your man-odor.” But who can blame her. She’s only human.

UNRELATED UPDATE #1: Kate Beckinsale vs. Marisa Miller for Hottest woman alive. Vote Here
UNRELATED UPDATE #2: Joss Stone’s lesbian kiss. Click here.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I had to ask who Keeley Hazell is and all that I got was that she was from Britain or Europe or something. But with a photoshoot like this you could be a convicted pedifile and I’d still do a glorifying post of you. Luckily for me you’re not a known fellon (that we know of–wink). And I’d like to go on record and say that I wish your torn shirt was mass produced for all women to wear…given that they ‘fit the part’. Anyways, lord those are some rocking tits.

I’m eloquent I know. I’ve been taking poetry classes, so…

UPDATE: Keeley Hazell topless pics Part II just leaked here.

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