Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Why such a large purse, Kim…why such a large purse. Kim Kardashian’s ass is back in an epic way and not a moment too soon. I’ve been in a funk witnessing Kim’s less rotund ass in the media lately. I mean it’s like not eating your cake and getting a fat ass too. It’s like Butch Cassidy without the Sundance Kid or Ali without Frazier. You just can’t enjoy the show without the spectacle. So I’d like to dedicate this post to all the drugs, exercise and duct tape that was not able to contain the amazing wonder that is Kim’s ass. Your failure is my strength.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Ahaa, it always comes back to those juggs. Those things are an island in a sea of oil. A place of refuge in a nuclear holocaust. Beacons of hope on a planet of cellulite, cheese and plastic. But I digress. Kim Kardashian though a monster and the object of a personal vendetta against her ass, on my part, sure does know how to put her best foot forward. These recent calender wall pics of Kim show that despite being soulless and without a moral compass Kim isn’t without a brain. And that’s good. Because sometimes all we can tell our daughters is that no matter what happens, no matter how dumb or ugly you are, no matter how much common sense and savvy you lack, there’s always a chance for redemption through those lady lumps. And if you can’t grow em, own em. Done and done.

The more you know. By Bob ‘The Bitch.’

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John:
After posing for PETA’s latest campaign, bloggers began posting photos of Khloe wearing fur coats. This has angered Baby Hulk and she talks about it on her blog,

As some of you might have seen today, there are several people who have taken to the web calling me a hypocrite and posting photos of me wearing fur.
The reason PETA approached me initially is because in my past I did wear fur and they wanted to educate me on the brutal ways in which animals are skinned for their pelts. After watching their video once, I was so horrified that I immediately swore off fur. The cruel treatment I saw had a great impact on me and I am deeply hurt that people are trying to criticize me for uneducated choices I made in my past that I now regret terribly.

It should be noted that Khloe Kardashian can neither read nor write. This statement was written by a fox named Binky who was shot and made into a scarf moments after this was published. 

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Kim Kardashian went frolicking on beaches of Malibu the other day in an attempt to trick me into believing that she’s hot now. However, thanks to my trusty ass-dar I was once again able to sniff out that titanic pile of cottage cheese from a mile away. I don’t care how many hate e-mails I get saying ‘don’t be so mean to Kim, she’s hot and doesn’t have a fat ass’; I don’t care how many death threats are sent my way. Nothing will ever stop me from believing that Kim’s ass is an atrocious freak accident of nature. A giant vat of fat with a black whole in the middle that I suspect may very well be a portal to hell itself. It’s all speculation at this point, of course, but I intend to get more concrete evidence in the near future. Till then as always stay tuned…

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John:
Kim Kardashian went to Miami Beach over the weekend to do whatever it is Kim Kardashian does. I assume that amounts to supersizing a burger and waiting for Reggie Bush to call. Also making an appearance, Kristin Cavallari. Kristin was busy not having any real job whatsoever so Kristin and Kim had lots to talk about as you can imagine.
These girls are all one trick ponies. They know the only way they’re getting any attention is if they strip down in bikinis. I mean, it’s not exactly like you’re gonna’ invite Kim Kardashian to give the commencement speech at Santa Monica community college. That would be a nightmare.