Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
Kim Kardashian recently wrote in her blog that she weighs just under 120 lbs. Exqueeze me? I beg your lardom? Everyone knows your a plus size model and they like you for that, but the minute you start weighing yourself on fantasy island, or on the moon’s surface -we have to call bullshit. Bullshit.
Here’s what Kim wrote on her blog while getting fried chicken grease all over her keyboard:

I am a size 27 jeans… My measurements are 34, 26, 39. But remember I am 5’2″ and 1/2 and everyone carries their weight in different places.

My body frame is small, but since I have curves, many people assume I am bigger and wear a bigger size in jeans. This is simply not the case! The misconception carries over to my weight, too. I am right under 120 lbs, but a lot of people have been shocked to hear that and have accused me of lying! Haha.
Get a scale bitches!!!!
XOXO,
Kim

Get a candy bar bitches!!!!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Is it just me or did Kim Kardashian say she was planning on losing the ass pounds to be on Dancing with the Stars. Could’ve swore that’s what I heard. You know, Kim, just imagining that your ass is toned doesn’t make it true. I’m sure you spent many nights throwing ever penny ‘Daddy’ made into a wishing well hoping that your ass would transform into something the public valued. You lit every prayer candle you could find and wished to the genie Zultar that your ass wouldn’t be so BIG. But unfortunately this isn’t the movies and you’re no movie star. You’re and ass, plain and simple. An ass that shat out a torso, arms, legs, and a head full of shit. Sorry to break it to you. Pwned.

That’s Sophie Monk in a bikini there (DoubleViking)
Celebrities who have stripped for a cause (Asylum)
Abbie Raytay gets breast implants (BustedCoverage)
Playboy’s Girls Next Door doing what they do best (DirtyRotten)
Elizabeth Hurley is hot as shit….still (On205th)
I saw this photo and I laughed my ass off (TastyBooze)
Fast and Furious 4 trailer. Boom. (Cuzoogle)
Quite possibly the grossest Minnie Driver photo I’ve ever seen (Warship)
Paris Hilton’s screen test is amazing. That was a joke (BedHead)
All the VMA coverage you need (Pink)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Oh yeah, wait…I meant to say I would love to see her head get knocked off. Thinking of Kim Kardashian singing is like trying to imagine a planet where every five seconds I get kicked in the nuts–for no reason. I’d sooner eat my own foot than listen to a second of Kardashian belching out a tune. I suggest that everyone go out and get a plastic bag from their local market just in case we all have to commit a ritual suicide.

Kim on a singing career says,

“I would be down, if it was something fun. I love music, so it would just have to be the right thing.”
If and when she pursues this, Kim has an all-star list of performers with whom she’d like to collaborate…
“I’d say a little bit Michael Jackson in there. I would love to work with, like, Timbaland as a producer and maybe Justin Timberlake.”

How about you have your mouth collaborate with the barrel of a sawed off shotgun and explode. Just saying.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
So this is what it looks like when radiation testing on pigs goes wrong. Sort of a hybrid of a hooker and and a hippo without all the sex appeal. Kim looks as natural in lingerie onstage as a a pregnant woman giving birth to a lawn mower. But at least a lawnmower has a purpose in life. Kim on the other hand is about as important to me as a dust particle floating in space. But again, without all the sex appeal.

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