My penis is drowning, Kristen Bell. It’s decision time

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
I accompanied Kristen Bell to the set of her new film, Couple’s Retreat. I decided to go swimming and forgot that my penis is too heavy. It’s like a giant anchor. In the end, the thought of losing my giant penis was too much to bear and Kristen jumped into the shark infested water to save me and my giant member. Thank you, Kristen, we owe you big time.

How can this photo get any hotter?

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
Kristen Bell and her ward, Dax, went to the beach to make PDA for the cameras. I’m just spinnin’ my wheels here but does Dax have a tattoo of a barfing dolphin on his arm? It’s probably not but I have a rule of thumb: If you have a tattoo that, from a distance, looks like a barfing dolphin, you don’t deserve to date Kristen Bell. That’s pretty much my only rule and I stick to it with military-like devotion.

Photo credit = Egotastic

New Derober mind control works on Kristen Bell

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard went to the beach and got a little too close for my comfort. Beach PDA ranks right up there with Theme Park PDA in my opinion. My powers are growing every day, thanks for asking. Pretty soon I’m going to be sleeping with Kristen full time. That is, when she’s not cleaning my house.

Kristen Bell’s ass takes the morning train

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’
I’m a man of my word. Really when I see an ass like this I normally roll around the grass on my back begging for biscuits. But a closer examination of these pics reveals that Kristen Bell is being accompanied by a giant bag of douche. Ex Punk-er and former hemorrhoid Dax Shepard can be seen groping Bell’s ass in a manner that spoils my morning hangover. I just wanted to revel in my own self-loathing in peace but no, now I have to be reminded why Kristen Bell’s ass will never be mine.

Kristen Bell’s sex scene leaked

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
Some grainy pictures of my girlfriend with some dude got leaked last night. My friends are all calling me and I’m all like, “It’s just a movie, dudes, chill.”
My bitch does not stray.