Derober

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Possibly a Waitress/Part-time dealer?

Photo courtesy of planethiltron.com

Or maybe…

John Says:
Here is the breakdown according to Sun: Lilo dropped a cool mil on a hotel stay (1 year), $137,000 on two rehab stints, $70,000 on personal grooming, $500,000 on drugs (some estimate 1M), and 3.8 million on two properties which she can no longer afford. By Christmas, Lilo will be signing autographs at convention centers for beer money. Lilo has to make a quick buck fast. We’re taking bets at the office. She is currently staying with Tom Gorres, the executive producer of ‘I know who killed me’. Derober has learned that prior to her last trip to rehab, Lilo was secretly being passed around Malibu, staying in various guest homes like an orphan. She was kicked out of one when a maid discovered that Lohan had tossed the whole place. “There was blood everywhere,” said one of our sources. Good luck with your new burden, Tom.

Leo Says:
Broke? I dunno’. Lohan just walked out of a salon two hours ago and dropped $900. I think she’s got some money stashed away somewhere. But the real question is how do you spend $900 at a salon unless you are bumping lines of blow while letting your nails dry. Mani, peti, coki.

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Photo courtesy of thesuperficial.com

The Derobers were almost fooled into believing that Lindsay Lohan was on the upswing as she picked a seemingly innocent pumpkin at rehab. But thankfully for us, our trusty X-ray machine found out that she’s back to her old habits. Cocain, pills, unsanitary needles, vibrators (ok vibrator), were all spotted lodged deep into the sinister pumpkin. But on the brightside, if Lohan keeps this up she may eventually unseat the ‘Clusterfuck Queen” in Britney Spears. Keep it up Lohan, you’re right on track.

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Poor Lindsay really isn’t even that popular in her little rehab pod. Our sources tell us that Prozac Jane is always amazing the group with her coy observations. And Nervous Jane made an ashtray in pottery class the other day that was not only chic, but functional. Rehab prom is just around the corner. Rumor has it that if Depressed Jenny can keep from killing herself, she’s a shoe-in.

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John Says:
I think Rehab will work. This place in Utah, The Cirque Lodge, doesn’t fuck about. It’s serious business up there. Hopefully, she sets her mind right and gets the help she needs.

Leo Says:
Help, the only thing she’s going to help herself to is a bunch more drugs. I like to think of Lindsay sneaking in paraphernalia and chugging Listerine; things homeless people do. Anyway, this picture freaks me out.

Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
I think Lohan should quit this pointless rehab, quit crying, and force herself to stop all this drug nonsense.

John says:
Nobody cares what you think Bob.

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