Derober

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John:
Yes, Samantha Ronson will be an Orthodox Jew and Lindsay Lohan will have a look of, let’s say, permanent surprise. This is all science people so don’t bother arguing the facts. I’ll bet you my porn stash if you waved a cock in front of Lohan right now she’d attack it like a starving pirate….whatever that means. I know Lindsay reads Derober sometimes so we’re really sorry for all this shit we’re lumping on your plate lately, Lilo. I’m citing specifically, you’re horrible bathing habits, side boob-athon, and our favorite piece we titled, ‘I now prounounce you retarded.’

Roll with the punches, Lohan, our fists are not getting tired at all. Que the side boob gallery.

Lesbian related note: Vote NO on Prop 8!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Oh, so that’s where my rubber chicken went. Lindsay Lohan’s tits are a natural phenomenon. They’re like Silly Putty. They fluctuate in size, shape, and overall smell depending on the mold of Lindsay’s body frame. Seriously, when Lindsay is in one of her ‘thin-to-win’ phases her boobs look like something I would see in a National Geographic magazine. But when she gets in her current ‘brick house’ phase it looks like she’s toting around two jam filled bowling balls. I don’t know what to think anymore so I’m going to stop trying. But to quote Rocky 4 (the hands down best Rocky), “If I can change…and you can change…..Everybody can change!” I guess that’s the only way to look at Lohan’s can-cans.

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John:
The eyes of the world are focused on Cabo right now waiting to catch a glimpse of Lohan and her ward in a moment of passion. Instead, we’re just getting grainy images of two pasty forms in the distance holding hands and being generally gross. I’m not including a thumb gallery with this post because I don’t want to make myself or our readers sick today. It is Thursday after all.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Well Lindsay Lohan and her special lady friend Samantha Ronson (who reminds me of Pat) were spotted on the beaches of Los Cabos, Mexico. The two played Scrabble, spin the bottle, and discussed whether or not now was a good time to admit they’re gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. My dog is gay, and I love him like the son I’ll never have.

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John:
Lindsay Lohan is in Cabo with Samantha Ronson this week doing unholy things to each other. In this side-by-side comparison I’ve put together, you can see that Lindsay has what I call an ass. Ronson, on the other hand, has what is commonly referred to as a dumper. Ronson can barely hold herself upright for Christ sake. Being a lesbian dating a hot girl is soooo hard. Whaaaaaa! She looks like she might fall over and break her self-esteem at any second. This has become a total shit show. Que the reaper.