Derober

Darby Gunpowder:
Recent photos surfaced of 14 year old Ali Lohan sporting some massive mammaries. Since this growth spurt happened nearly overnight, many are saying she went under the knife. At the risk of continuing to sound perverted even talking about this, I think they are real given the ample Lohan genes. I can’t talk about this anymore, so I’ll let big sis Lindsey explain. Here’s her Myspace page post regarding the taboobs:

“hey everyone..
i just had to share something that came up today and it made me feel a bit sick to my stomach.
so, here’s the visual…
me and my friend Patrick walking into a store, and two paparazzi come up out of nowhere (like usual) and start throwing questions at me…
one of them being, “Hey Lindsay, what do you have to say about people commenting on your sisters implants?”
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my response simply was, “Did you really just ask me that? She is a 14 year old girl, and you are a pedophile!”
i was caught out of nowhere so i didn’t really come up with the proper response at the time.. there’s many other things that i felt like saying, but why give it to a random guy with a camera so that he can make money!
All i am trying to say is, is that, i was raised with a wonderful family surrounding me, of course we have our ups and downs, but all in all my mother taught us to appreciate what we have been given. Nor would she ever encourage, or allow a 14 year old child to alter her body.
i am not judging people that do, but i am just saying that its not something that my family finds necessary to do, especially when you’re not even fully developed yet!
It is hard enough being 14 years old and you have enough insecurities to begin with, then add being in the public eye…
i just find it really disconcerting that people have to focus on the negative and that some people are sooooo bored with their own lives that they need to manifest lies to hurt another person.
in a more positive light…
i got some great clothes from alexander wang and i miss samantha cuz she’s out of town 🙁
have a wonderful day everyone~
til next time..
xx LL”

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Darby Gunpowder:
I’m obviously not a golfer, but if I had to guess, Lindsey Lohan is not wearing a brazier underneath that top. I wonder if Sam(antha) talked her into burning all her under-naughties out of jealousy that Lindsey is a real life woman, while Sam is a real life 12 year old boy. This is the only good thing to come out of their relationship…now if only Sam can talk Lindsey into getting a tan and making a sex tape with Rachel Bilson and Blake Lively. Scissor me timbers!

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Darby Gunpowder:
Please sit. Lindsey Lohan is supposedly getting married to a little boy, Sam Rosen under the new same-sex marriage law in California. I can see the future True Hollywood Story of Lohan and it will go a little something like this:

Shortly after Lindsey’s acting career dried up, she suffered from a severe case of ‘WFT’. Doctors have only seen rare cases of ‘WTF’ with Britney Spears, Jesse ‘the body’ Ventura, Gary Busey, and Ren & Stimpy. Lohan was delusional. She posed nude for The New Yorker for free when she was dead broke. Further down the spiral, she tried to marry 12 year old boy, Samantha Rosen. As fate would have it, just before the farce ceremony, Lindsay was put out of her misery by the federal government for taking up too much press in an election year. She was a candle in the kiln.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
When Lindsay Lohan says she’s throwing a birthday party even Jesus takes notice. I don’t know what Lohan’s list of demands were for her birthday but I can only imagine they went something like this:

Item 1: 2, 000 dildos
Item 2: Rocket Launcher and real functioning Iron Man suit
Item 3: Enough cocaine to suffocate a blue whale
Item 4: Confetti
Item 5: Truck load of KY Jelly
Item 6: A goat (if no goat available then a tiger and several hundred hamsters)

But that’s all just speculation at this point. Anyways…yaaah Lindsay, Happy Birthday. One more year gone by that people didn’t know about your love of animals…literally.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
On the set of her new movie My Career is Over: First Blood Labor Pains yesterday, Lohan demonstrated why women should never swing bats–it just looks funny. Apparently, the integrity of this film is stout seeing as they actually let Lindsay wear her own leggings for the role. I can only imagine the costume department is actually one washed up old bag they keep locked in a porta potty. The crew brings her out and points to people to which they either get a thumbs up or down approval from Gretta. They’d get rid of her but she’s part of a union and people generally like the scent of moldy cookies that she emits.

As for Lo-Dog we can only hope that we see a real upshirt from her in the movie because why the F#ck else would anyone ever watch her pretend to play a sport. As if Herbie Fully Loaded wasn’t bad enough. Watching Lohan play baseball would be like watching a hemorrhoid grow.